Not Good Enough: The All or Nothing Attitude

by Melanie | Aug 25, 2017 | Health, Home, Wellness

Sometimes I feel like my Type A personality gets the most of me.  I have a very motivated attitude so rest doesn’t come easy for me and I’m happiest when I can be productive.

At nighttime, when I look back on my day, I deem it a good day or a bad day based on what I accomplished.  If I tackled some chores, meal-prepped, applied to jobs, or knocked off things from my to-do list, then, it was a good day.  Other occasions, the day seems to escape me and I don’t do any of that.  If, for example, I couldn’t get the workout in that I wanted and instead sat around; if I browsed the internet too much; or, if I leisurely watched a movie, then, I deem it a bad day.

I have a vision of what I want my day to look like so I am frustrated with myself when I’m not making productive choices that help put my vision into action.  Not being productive = bad day.  So, I try to prevent the bad days from happening by pep talking myself through the choices I make with words like:

You can do this.

Try harder.

Push yourself.

Others can do this so why can’t you?

Toughen up.

You’re not doing enough.

Do these words provide motivation?  Maybe…but, one day, I realized my pep talks were more like demands.  The word choice was not coming from a place of encouragement but punishment.  Then, I found myself frequently saying words like:

You’re not good enough.

And so I tried harder.  I tried to keep myself from falling into the trap of unproductive days so that I wouldn’t feel bad about myself and so that I wouldn’t think such hateful things about myself.  Still, it happened.

For periods of time, I would feel fine.  For even longer periods, I continued to fall in the giant well of negative attitude and hurtful self-talk until I was drowning in problems.  I still had the same chores, I still had no job, my abs still didn’t pop, and I still had that to-do list with items that continued to stack up.  Where did that leave me?  I was frustrated, angry, and disappointed in myself.

It took a while but I realized that I should not have to feel that way.   Things are always going to come up.  If it’s not one problem, it’s another.  Yet, problems and tasks can’t be what controls my life.

I allowed myself to take on more work and exercise at an unhealthy level.  That is when the problems surfaced even more.  Slowly, I came to terms with the fact that I was overexerting myself.  As far as exercise goes, I overexerted myself because that was an area I could control.  Even though I felt like I wasn’t accomplishing enough, I still had the desire to be the champion of something!  I felt the need to DO MORE so that I could feel fulfilled.  My mentality was: if I didn’t do it ALL then I might as well be doing NOTHING.  If I didn’t push myself to the point of being burnt out, I might as well not do X thing in the first place.  It’s a sick way of thinking.

Temporarily, I lost the ability to tell what my body needed or what my overall self needed.  My mind wasn’t even conscious of this because I trained myself to be on GO, GO, GO mode all the time.  Thankfully, these days are different.  I’m not saying I can’t ever fall into the all or nothing attitude again.  I could.  In fact, I almost feel guilty when I want to indulge myself with that self-nurturing time.  It seems like so many people don’t take time for themselves and, yet, they still get things done.  Though, I’ve learned I can’t keep comparing myself to others.

If I feel like I need a break or want to say no to extra work that will only stress me out, I’ll do it.  That is because I’ve recognized how good I can also feel when I take the time for myself to foster my own personal health and well-being.  If that sounds selfish then so be it.  Besides, not every moment of every day can be occupied—nor should it be.  So I would rather fill up the time with what will enhance my spirit.  I know when I allow myself to rest and recharge, I’m a better version of me.

I wrote this post because I see so many others pushing themselves for work, jobs, fitness, and more.  Consequently, I wanted to keep up and do it all, too!  Maybe I can, one day, but nothing has to happen all at once.  I believe that there is a middle ground where I can comfortably fit between the extremes of doing it all and doing nothing.  I haven’t got it all figured out yet but I know that I can’t do any of it without making me a priority.  Right now, the attitude I have is that I am enough and I am doing my best.