Lessons in Giving Less F*cks from Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck
Today I’m sharing my biggest takeaways from blogger and self-help extraordinaire Mark Manson’s ground-breaking novel The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck.
I’ve been on a mission of self-improvement and, in doing so, slowly funding the self-help genre of books. I’ve been avidly seeking out this genre of nonfiction for new perspectives. You guys know I love finding new ways to look at a situation and I think doing so also helps make me more creative.
One of my biggest struggles of daily life is caring too much. That might sound like a petty problem on the surface but I’ve felt it hinder me all throughout my life. After discovering I was an empath and highly sensitive person a few years ago, I had an explanation for my overly-caring tendencies but not a solution. I would still struggle in my abilities to understand myself and come to terms with situations that I need to move on from.
Enter: The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck by Mark Manson.
I remember hearing people buzz about the book when it was first released a few years back but I was on a YA-genre diet of books exclusively. It wasn’t until this past December when I came across Mark Manson’s blog that I became hooked on his words. Not to be dramatic but he is basically all that I aspire to be as a writer. His material is thoughtful and relatable, as it touches on areas of life that we are always (whether knowingly or not) trying to improve in. So, after burning through many of his articles, I knew I wanted to pick up his book.
One additional thing that I want to mention is that his writing takes a very real approach to overcoming ruts and obstacles. Some self-help gurus out there will hit you with tough love to push you to change. Others are too gentle—almost using too much of a self-love approach—so that you become comfortable with accepting things as they are. Manson meets us right in the middle so that everyone can work on themselves and on giving less fucks where fucks don’t belong.
I won’t dive too deep into the details of the book because I want you guys to all go out there and read it. It helped me out so much and, if you’re a regular reader around here, it could probably help you out, too.
Eight of the Most Important Takeaways from The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck (i.e. the ones that resonated with me the most!)
Reserve your fucks for what matters
Not giving fucks is not about not caring. (That’s a lot of negatives in that sentence so I’ll repeat it.) Not giving fucks is not about not caring. Instead, it is about understanding that we don’t need to give a fuck about everything. We just need to give a fuck about something meaningful and important to us.
“Don’t hope for a life without problems. There is no such thing. Instead, hope for a life full of good problems.”
We are often of the belief that we need to rid ourselves of problems and then we will be happy. On the contrary, we need to have problems to make us feel like we are succeeding. Plus, overcoming those problems brings us self-improvement and, by consequence, happiness with ourselves.
Choose good values and metrics
According to Manson, we place value in an area and develop metrics, or a system of judgment, to assess whether or not our values are met. Rather than value things that you have no control over, the best values are of the following nature: reality-based, socially constructive, and immediate and controllable. He also addresses how to change your values and the very uncomfortable feelings that accompany such a decision.
Certainty is the enemy of growth
One of my favorite ideas is Manson’s Law of Avoidance which implies that the more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it. He advocates for embracing uncertainty and the discomfort that holds. It sounds counterproductive but the more you try to be certain about something the more uncertain and insecure you will feel.
Do something and the answers will follow
Even when we feel we have no direction, the moment we start doing anything, it will propel us towards figuring out what we actually want and, thus, bring us closer to what can actually benefit us.
You can’t solve other people’s problems
Likewise, other people can’t solve your problems. Neither situation leads to happiness. What we need to do is take responsibility for our own problems. For others, what we can do is support them in their journey to solve a problem but not take on the responsibility of solving their problems.
Commit to something and reject the alternative
This idea in particular really resonates with me, as someone who has a lot of trouble with making choices. I fear making the “wrong” choice but an even worse situation would be not making a choice. If we don’t make a choice, we miss out on the depth of beauty and level of content that exists only when you can commit to something aligning with your most important values.
Care about something greater than yourself
We have full control of our values and the greatest sense of happiness can be achieved when we place our fucks in worthwhile values. In the long-run, the most beneficial places to place our fucks will be in causes that help others.
When this book came into my hands, I was working through stagnation that derived from indecision. Manson’s book encouraged me to recognize that I am not wrong to feel uncertain about the choices I want to make. It provided me the outlook that having uncertainty means I’m growing. And as I grow, I meet people and opportunities that demand I make a choice. The more I make choices, the more I learn what is and what is not right for me, and the closer I am to bringing in people and opportunities that are a little more right for me. That’s all I can ask for.
What do you think? These are just super brief bullet points as to what stood out to me in The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck that personally resonated with me. I’m sure there is a topic in here that will hit home for everyone no matter where you are in your life. Have you read this book? Do any of the points I mentioned resonate with you? I’d love to hear what you think.
Aaaand if you have read it, are you as siked as I am that Mark Manson has a follow-up novel about what’s fucked up with our ideas of hope? You can view it here on Amazon! Not sponsored, just super excited!
Xoxo,
Melanie
