Through the ups and downs of 2021, I recognize the biggest thing I’ve grappled with is giving myself permission to take up space. Today I share with you my reflections of the past year. These are the lessons I’ve learned, beliefs I’m integrating, and ideas I hope to carry with me (but perhaps may still need to be reminded of).
In keeping with the “Mel Makes It Happen” brand, I very much think of myself as being a go-getter. However I am so easily phased by setbacks or things not working out. Obstacles often make me take a step back, hermit (ala my 6/2 profile in Human Design) and think about the future that I want. Reflecting on my actions and the results can be productive but I recognize how much I was hibernating instead of making my dreams happen. I was waiting for something in my life to change instead of making my own moves.
My method for manifestation very much aligns with my Human Design type. I could write a whole post on what “waiting to respond” as a Manifesting Generator means to me but for now I’ll just say taking even a small action on anything can kickstart a lot.
So, enjoy reading about some things I’ve discovered, some things I’ve taken action on, and some ways I’ve been able to embrace myself more honestly this year.
// 2021 Reflections //
Leaning into my interests is the most powerful fuel I could ever ask for. It amps up my creativity, gives me something to look forward to, and helps me feel like I am progressing as I learn new information and skills and then apply them! Emphasis on apply!
When I was uninspired and each day felt like it was the same as the one before, I had to ask myself: what do I want to do and where am I spending my time now? I would fill my day with chores around the house, cooking or procrasti-baking (if you know, you know), or letting random emails derail me into a clickfest and Google search frenzy. We won’t even talk about the distraction that social media can be. After I had a clean picture of what my daily habits and tasks were, I slowly worked on penciling in pockets of time to do something pleasurable. I “made the time” as the phrase goes.
A big part of making time for my interests involved setting boundaries. I love just doing my thing and not having to inform anyone else about my personal doings but sometimes it helps to fill others in. One I have to reinforce every so often is: my mornings are for me—please don’t call me or disturb me at that time. A big boundary I had to set was around cooking for my family. I used to frequently make dinner for them but as I tried to make time for my own interests, it was taking too much time and energy from me and I had none left for the things that mattered to me.
Honestly, re-shaping my belief about what I am deserving of is also a huge thing I had to do this year. I come from Baby Boomer parents who had nothing handed to them and had to work for all they had. I have a father who says “sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do” and a mom who never rests and constantly plays the martyr. Some important teachers in my life have shown me that life should not be joyless. That may not be a concept older generations grasp easily but I do not believe in a joyless life. I am not here to live a joyless life. Thus, it is important for me to prioritize the habits and activities and whatever else helps me feel like and be the best me.
I’ve had to trust the feeling and not what sounds good on paper. Bless my parents and friends who just want me to get a stable job and a reliable income and save up money. They’re heard me talk about what I want, a desire to live someplace else, cravings for more, and dreams I’d like to make real. They always bring it down to money, though, as if this is the key to a happy life. The times I’ve worked jobs just for the money, I’ve either exhausted myself so much that I feel uninspired or simply have little energy to do what I want to do when I have the time. It doesn’t make sense to work so hard for money and not feel like it’s making my life better. What does feel like it’s making my life better is setting my own routine, being able to stretch and walk around, take a lunch break when I want to, and being able to spend time on my art.
Right now, I am not employed in the traditional sense of the word. I don’t work a job where I clock in and clock out. I haven’t wanted that for a long time and I think it’s been a shadow-y piece of my psyche for a while, something I’ve been afraid to admit. I don’t want a traditional job! *Imagine me screaming this from the rooftops* I’ve been afraid to tell others because they’ll think “Okay, if not a traditional job, what then?” and I don’t have an answer for them. I don’t really know what my work life is going to consist of because I’m still creating it today. It isn’t as simple as a title of this or that because I wear many hats to feed my diverse interests.
To embrace an unconventional path has also meant learning that not everyone is going to understand me. I try so hard to make others understand me by going out of my way to research and explain things that I don’t personally feel necessary. I don’t have all the answers (I likely have very few, if that) but I do have a trust that the right opportunities come through for me when I decide I’m worth investing in. Perhaps this is the freshest reflection on this list, as I am just beginning to embrace this. It feels so good to my Leo moon to be seen and understood but not everyone is going to see what I see and I have to be okay with that. I may wait forever—as I felt like I was, months ago—if I am waiting for someone to validate my interests, my ideas, and my existence, truthfully.
Of a similar thread, I can’t let the fear of not being liked keep me from being myself. I’ve always tended to people-please, preferring not to rock the boat, because I thought this was the key to friendship and love. With Uranus transiting over my ascendant this year, this has felt like added encouragement to stop worrying about what others think of me. It’s a huge worry! Yet, the person I’ve been cultivating within is asking to come out more and more and it is a disservice to that person to stay small. I realize that there’s a lot of people who don’t like me and I’ve gone out of my way to try to appease them. I can’t create world peace but I can be transparent and put my most authentic foot forward and hope that the people who are for me will stick around and anyone not interested will just move along.
With that concluding my 2021 Reflections, I’ll leave you with a few things I am hoping to carry with me or do more of in 2022:
- I want to practice being my own validation. Give myself permission to take up more space, talk about my interests, and do the things I want to do without waiting for some exterior force to first tell me that what I’m thinking/feeling is valid.
- I want to have the courage to try, to ask for help, and seek accountability when needed. In 2021 I worked with a coach/therapist, dove into ceramics classes at a local studio, and started taking singing lessons. I also worked with a business coach that was a little beyond me and signed up for business classes that didn’t align. You win some, you lose some, but either way you learn. I want to keep being unafraid to try.
- Surround myself with people I can vibe with. Friendships have always been a challenge for me (Saturn in the 11th house) but I feel like stepping into my passions helps give me confidence in who I am, thus, allowing friendships with like-minded folks more natural.
- Grow my business—whatever that might be. Right now, I’m loving doing art and am open to seeing where that goes. That may mean doing art events, commissions, selling prints online, murals(!!), or who knows! As well, I love using Astrology and Human Design to understand myself and the world and I hope to share these tools with people more in 2022. As someone who has struggled to feel worthy and deserving for much of my life, I seek to help others overcome that habit of playing small and I know that will carry through in whatever business endeavors I pursue.
- Follow my strategy and authority. This is Human Design speak for trusting myself and taking steps! All steps lead somewhere so be unafraid to take steps even if I don’t know where I’ll end up. The picture will clarify along the way.
- Keep pursuing joy. What excites me, fuels me, and makes me happy is the path I want to be on and the right path for me.
I think that sums up some of my most valued takeaways from this year. It’s hard to make sense of what was happening as I was in the thick of it but I feel like I have more clarity now looking back. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading my 2021 Reflections! Feel free to share this post with a friend or leave a comment letting me know any reflections of yours.
Much love!
Melanie
P.S. If you enjoyed this, you can read last year’s 2020 Reflections post and 2019’s Reflections here:
I’m glad I took the time to read this! Similarly, I’m struggling with trying to do things on my own, being afraid to ask for help. I have to remember that I am a walking, living, and special being that deserves the attention of others.
I admire your drive to carve your own path. That is ultimately my goal as well. I’m glad of what I’ve been able to accomplish in the traditional sense, but I have aspirations beyond that; I have a vision of creating amazing art like you’re pursuing right now in the form of video games.
2021 was an emotionally straining year from me, particularly from my occupation. I was filled with sadness, even despair. In 2022, I aim to keep my spirits high by being the best person I can be. To give, to spread joy no matter how small the impact may seem. Because I believe a happy soul has the capacity to do so much more than a sad one.