In the human body, we have 7 main chakras and, in Yogic medicine, each of these is where you will find manifestations of ill health or dis-ease. In case you aren’t familiar with them, I’ll go over them briefly because this will tie in to what I share today.
The first one begins at the base of your spine and this is your root chakra. It represents stability, grounding, and all things pertaining to home and safety.
Above it is the sacral chakra and this is where sexuality and creation lies.
Next is the solar plexus chakra which holds personal willpower, strength, and confidence.
The fourth chakra is the heart center and, as you may imagine, holds the powers of compassion, connection, and love.
The fifth, throat chakra, is the portal of communication. As I’ll share in today’s post, that’s where I’ve been feeling stagnance.
Following this is the sixth chakra, the third eye aka your intuition.
Lastly, the seventh chakra is the crown, the connection to the universe and spirituality, and to the collective.
All of this to say, when you feel lost or unsettled, it could be worth looking at where you feel these blockages. Sometimes you can physically feel the blocks in parts of your body. Other times, you may just notice symptoms such as lack of willpower or “no energy” if the solar plexus is underactive. Or immense stress and instability if the root chakra is out of balance. It isn’t necessary to take a scientific approach to this, rather: it is quite obvious when you read about a chakra and take note of qualities that resonate or don’t. Another thing worth noting is that, when a chakra is out of alignment, it hinders the balance of chakras above it. For example, if you are not grounded or with a certainty of your safety (root chakra), then how can you expect to cultivate the six chakras above it? Chakras are like building blocks and one needs another to form a proper foundation for self-growth.
Lately, I’ve been feeling a blockage in my throat, both literally and figuratively. This discomfort in my body has led me to take a deeper look into how I can bring about alignment in myself again.
*As a disclaimer, this post is super raw and I’m just being honest about how I feel and putting it out there because I’m at the last straw here. I hope sharing what I’ve been feeling may be helpful and resonate with someone also struggling.*
Perhaps it’s not evident to anyone except me but I realize lately that I haven’t been using my voice. It happens when I get stressed or feel pressured. Any amount of overwhelm and I clam up. Retreat. Turn inwards. It’s the easy solution. I don’t need to explain myself to anyone. No one knows any better.
This seemed to be working for a while until I started getting jaw pain. I’ve had jaw pain before, and it’s something I need to manage, but this felt different. I’m finding myself clenching my jaw in moments to get a grip on a situation or try to control my emotions. What I haven’t let myself feel is the desire to speak. I’ve been holding back and biting my tongue. Holding back to wait for the right time, holding back to not step on anyone else’s toes, holding back to convey my words and my image appropriately.
Fear of what others may think.
What’s the actual block here? I think I just fear coming off rough or callous or straight up ignorant. That’s the worst case scenario in my book. Yet, I’ve been overthinking my words to the point of silence. To the point where I don’t know what to say. For someone with lots of thoughts and ideas, and a zest for life, I suddenly feel empty. Not sad or depressed, just blank. It’s as though I’ve gotten used to not saying anything at all that I am now unable to open my mouth. Unable to find the words to express myself, even if I do want to start talking again.
Limited social interaction while staying at home has made it even easier for me to go days where I utter only a few sentences. Instead, all of the words stay inside my head. They float around like particles in the air until they form thoughts. Sometimes they don’t. There are times when words only stay as words and incomplete thoughts become worries.
A big part of the way I have learned to understand myself is by writing out my thoughts and by speaking. Writing has always been my preferred choice of expression because it feels like a clear channel from my mind to my fingertips. Speaking is interesting, too, because it helps me realize beliefs that I hold that I didn’t know I hold. You know, like when you have an idea that sounds good on paper but once you start saying it aloud to someone else you realize there are some holes in it. That’s kind of what happens with me and talking.
Maybe without my writing practice or platforms to speak, my jaw is tightening up without use and my heart feels empty without passion. If passion is what drives me to speak and I’m willingly choosing not to speak then maybe there is a trickle down effect. Energy seeks similar energy. So if I’m not using my voice, then my jaw will clench up, and consequently, my passions dwindle. Like, why pay for the electricity bill in a house that is vacant? I feel kind of vacant.
The easy solution here is to speak.
I know it sounds super easy but when you’re out of practice, when you’re so used to letting others do the talking, it gets to be really hard to imagine that you have anything at all worth saying. Worth being heard.
There’s a lot of pressure, too. Not from anyone else, exactly…but that could be the case, too. I just feel like I’ve got to say something meaningful or else what’s the point of speaking? I’ve got to give something valuable to others…. That’s actually what stops me a lot of the time. Wondering what others will think.
The funny thing is, if I heard someone else that I care about saying these things, I’d really want to encourage them to open up. I’d say, “It doesn’t matter what others think. It might not feel like there’s anyone to listen right now but that’s because you’re not speaking. Speak your truth and the right people will come.” Just like that saying in Field of Dreams, “build it and they will come.” Okay, yeah, super cheesy to reference that movie but, you know, I really feel like sometimes you’ve got to take a leap of faith even if things don’t make sense now.
When a calling to do something or say something or build something strikes, you can’t shoot yourself down before trying. You owe it to yourself to see what this idea can turn into. If you’re really passionate about this thing (which you won’t know quite how passionate you are until you get started) you’ll naturally attract the people meant to see your work or meant to connect with you.
You can’t build solely for others because where is the heart in that? I haven’t been able to speak because I feel that I’m doing so to appease others. Yet, what would happen if I just spoke because I wanted to and let things unfold from there? Maybe not everything has to have a plan or has to be the most appropriately-constructed words or ideas from the get-go because you can only get better at speaking by speaking. You can only construct a better idea by first testing out the initial one in mind. You never know what something can turn into unless you just try.
Every so often I’ll see someone doing something cool and I wonder why they aren’t taking bigger steps to put their craft out into the world. You know, like when you discover a band on deep dive through recommended artists on YouTube or Spotify. You’re listening to their songs and asking yourself, “Why don’t more people know about this?”
For many of us, I think it’s easier to see the potential in someone else than ourselves.
In fact, bring to mind someone you admire right now. This can be a celebrity, an athlete, a musician, anyone!
Got it?
Okay. The same way we admire this other person, their actions, or their creations, we also have that same greatness in us.
Wild, right?
If you read that and are like, “I’m not rich and famous like them, I don’t have a house in Martha’s Vineyard, and I don’t have 1.2M followers on Instagram, so how the heck am I as great as them?!”
That’s valid and I’m not at all going to say those things don’t matter. They do! Just…not in the way you might think. Behind the surface layers of rich and famous, what is being represented? What does a large home in an esteemed part of Europe mean to you? What does a huge following on Instagram mean to you? Whittle that down. Or, you know, whatever aspect of greatness you see in the person you admire.
The thing we see as being so great in them is a quality we have equal potential to meet.
We’ve probably all heard that phrase about comparing yourself to someone else’s “highlights reel” not being a valuable use of your time. Totally true. Yet, what I’m proposing here is to nail down what you see in the person that you want. It’s hardly something as surface level as lots of money. That isn’t what would make you happy. Maybe it’s something you believe money could buy. Financial security for you and your family, perhaps?
So, we have our person. We have our aspect. Now, there’s just that roadblock of: how do we embody that aspect ourselves?
I started off this post by asking where it is you stay small. The tricky part is that we often don’t realize how small we are until we get a taste of feeling bigger. That’s what these people we admire are showing us! You might now be reading what I’m saying and be like: I hear ya but NOPE! Then, proceed to throw a blanket over yourself to stay hidden, figuratively speaking (or literally…who knows?).
Anyway, staying small is safe but it’s not fulfilling. Taking risks is scary but if we’re willing to re-frame the way we view ourselves, we could see that we, too, have a lot to offer. Think of your skills, the presence you have, the way you can get a group talking with one another, or the perspective you bring to the table. How can you bring more of that into your daily life? How can you share more of your authentic self with your community?
I know it’s scary to put yourself out there and try something new. We owe ourselves to stop playing small and give ourselves more credit for our unique abilities. Anyone can draw a picture of a bird but the way you draw it is going to be completely different than the way someone else draws it. Put your bird drawing out there because the simple fact is that there is nothing else like it. Maybe that’s a bit of an odd example to end on but hopefully you’ve caught the point. The things we have to offer the world are unique to us and not sharing them isn’t doing anyone any favors.
In my last post, I shared how judgment is the cloud that alters the way we see the world.
When you solely choose to put your sense of value in material things, people, events, situations, or anything outside of yourself, you’re setting yourself up to get hurt. I think it’s totally okay to have a favorite TV show or a candy that makes you happy.
It’s natural to like and want things but we all need to have our own system of self-validation.
If you’ve ever had to compromise some of your wants, needs, or values for something else, you won’t forget that. Those events stick out like a sore thumb in memories. Usually, because they are filled with strong feelings that keep them alive. Feelings of fear, shame, disgust, and discomfort. If you repeatedly allow yourself to compromise on your values, this creates fragmented selves. Remember we talked about this? These are aspects of ourselves that we haven’t allowed to be free.
For anyone reading who thinks: hey, I don’t have control over many of the things that happen in my life; it all started when I was younger–I’ve never had a choice. Respectively, there were likely a number of times as a kid when choice wasn’t always in your favor, or situations around you trained you to believe you did not have a choice. However, if we are ever going to attempt to change anything we need to understand that everything is a choice. It might be so uncomfortable to say NO or cancel plans or set a boundary but these are the necessary first steps to putting yourself first.
How does all of this relate to the way we feel judgment?
Subconsciously, we store all of these memories and pieces of information that then create an internal dialogue that says: I can’t have what other people have because I am unworthy. People don’t just walk around openly stating that they feel unworthy but somewhere deep down, we’ve internalized ideas that say as much. You see, when we constantly let ourselves play second fiddle, don’t speak up for ourselves, or rush to an appointment instead of giving ourselves two minutes to center, we are allowing things to happen to us.
Are you sitting passively in the passenger seat of your life while other people and things are driving the car? Remember it is your life and you’re meant to be driving the car.
In non-metaphorical terms: don’t sit by, letting things happen to you when things could be happening for you.
TLDR: the first step is always recognizing if and where you’re acting out of misalignment. Do you feel like you can’t fully be yourself in even a small way? Next, get to the root and find the trigger. When you can uncover why someone or something bothers you, you can trace it back to how you aren’t meeting your own needs. Is there something you’ve been denying yourself? Space, freedom, rest, basic needs, sleep, connection, etc. Name it.
When you respect yourself enough to give yourself the time, love, or amenities you desire, you don’t hate on other people for doing the same for themselves. Naturally, you’ll know that what they do doesn’t matter and doesn’t affect you.
It’s easier to judge than it is to accept that you want what someone else has. It’s easier to fear something than to admit you’re secretly curious to go learn more and try that thing out for yourself.
We judge other people by what we don’t accept in ourselves.
This may not make sense right away so I’ll give some examples, but first let me talk about repressed aspects of self. We all have different parts of our identity created by interests, people we spend time with, environments, and more. For some of us, these are so unconscious that we naturally slip into one version of ourselves with each changing situation. Others of us are aware of it and we’ll call it “putting on a face” when we have to act a certain way to please an external party. We can be one version of self when we clock in at the office, another version when we meet up for drinks at 6pm, and a different version entirely when we answer a phone call from our mom.
On a surface level, we can all probably imagine how we act a little (or a lot) different in different settings. Some people can be pretty consistently the same person wherever they go but there are always aspects of self that only certain people (or maybe only you) get to see. The different selves, as I call them, are very deeply conditioned by society and upbringing. To know what they are is to be in tune with your subconscious.
A whole and integrated person, without fragmented selves, will see someone else doing something or having something and not feel threatened. What someone else has or does really, truly, does not impact you or take away from you.
A surefire way to tell that you have a separation of identity is when you freak out or get upset when you see someone else disobeying the societal standards.
For example, maybe you dress very conservatively for work even though it’s not your style or you wear shoes that are uncomfortable because they meet the standards of attire. Then, in one day walks your coworker wearing relaxed attire, maybe sneakers instead of dress shoes. What’s your response? If you’re a little ticked off and wondering why they get to wear clothes outside of the dress code policy you’re not the only one.
Some people might fume in silence but the really fired up people might head to the manager’s office and alert them about so-and-so’s clothes. While, yes, technically the person might not be wearing the right attire based on company guidelines but the judgment you’d be imposing has nothing to do with them and everything to do with what you feel. Let me repeat that.
Judgment has nothing to do with another person or thing and has everything to do with what you are feeling.
It can be a number of things brewing beneath the surface that stir up the “threat alert” in your brain (aka is triggered) enough to make you upset or run over to the manager’s office. It could be as straightforward as you hating your uncomfortable shoes and thinking: if I can’t wear sneakers to work, then they shouldn’t be wearing them either! Or, it could be deeper-seated discomfort tied to other things going on.
You’ve probably heard how it’s important to talk about stuff that bothers you because it will just bottle up until you explode. It’s kind of like that. If you’re dissatisfied in any way, those emotions can cloud your views and impact your treatment of other people.
Maybe you haven’t had time for your hobbies or social life so a job or living situation makes you feel creatively castrated. Note: nothing external can make you do anything; triggers only stir up feelings. There isn’t anything necessarily wrong with the job itself (I mean, there could be) but it’s the way you’re looking at it that is dissatisfying. All it takes is a trigger, like the person behaving outside of normative standards, and then you apply your frustration onto it. Will calling out someone else make you feel better? Eh, perhaps for a split second but not long-term at all. After this person or thing, you’ll need to find another situation to get upset about. And yes, find. We have to go out of our way to look for problems.
You can play the blame game and name 100 reasons why someone else is at fault but you’re still the one who is holding onto the judgment that is keeping you out of alignment with yourself.
When you stay focused on yourself and create internal sources of validation, you don’t need to search for it outside. People who are in a good mood have this. Perhaps you also know the feeling: when you’re in such a good mood that nothing anyone says or does can bother you; all else rolls right off your shoulders?
Frustration comes from looking outside and viewing others as having something you don’t have. You judge them for it, imagining that they’re somehow better than you because of certain qualities or situations you see but that’s not the whole picture. Likely, it isn’t even the right picture because you’re making assumptions or projecting beliefs based on your own insecurities.
In my next post I’ll further explain how to unpack these denied aspects of self.
I hope you all are well and staying safe. I’ve been laying low myself and have come to a comfortable place with the whole stay-at-home situation. For a while I was going stir-crazy but that was before I realized the potential for self-work and growth that this time offers.
There are a ton of lists and videos floating around for things you can do during self-quarantine to help the time pass. I’ve seen them and you’ve probably seen them. However, I don’t want to ask you to go watch Netflix shows for the next few weeks just because you’re staying home. I love Netflix as much as the next person but I hope to enlighten you with some different ways you can make the most of your time in self-quarantine.
This is a list of some of my favorite things to do during self-quarantine to tend to my body, mind, and spirit.
Learn a new skill
Everyone on the interweb is telling you to take up knitting and painting but pick up a skill you like. I’m personally drawn toward creative projects but skills can also be more educational. You can find TONS of tutorials on YouTube for how to fix broken appliances, construction projects using extra plywood you have laying around, or how to use QuickBooks! Yes, you can learn skills to improve your financial organization (do your own taxes!), start an online business, even how to code or do data entry. There is a lot of FREE information available, which is what I’d encourage you to utilize first before buying anything; it just requires a little digging–but, hey, you have time, remember?
Dive into self-work
I know I’m not the only one who had a minor (or major) freak out when businesses started shutting down, news reports of people contracting the virus showered TV and online media sites, or when the government released mandates to stay home. It’s important to be informed but what helped me, and what has helped me for a while now, is turning my fears inside out. After a moment of panic, I try to regain my footing and ask myself why something is freaking me out. Why am I afraid?
One fear is usually attached to another fear. So, if you can take yourself down that rabbit hole, you can get to the bottom of things and create new belief systems. When you engage in self-work, you can use fears as an opportunity to see where you’re unintentionally keeping yourself small or where you’re repeating patterns not serving you. This is honestly a topic that needs more than one tiny paragraph to do it justice but, if your interest is piqued, I’ll direct you to some of my favorite resources to get your feet wet.
Oh, movement, how I adore you. In my earliest days of dabbling with self-care, movement was my way to feel good. Move your body and, naturally, you will flush out stagnant energy and find a new flow. Contrary to what anyone might tell you, there is no “better” or “worse” form of exercise. The best kind of exercise is the one you’re going to enjoy doing. If you don’t have any movement routine at the moment, or if your current one ever feels like a chore, then change it up. You don’t have to be married to ONE form of movement.
In fact, every form of exercise has its own health and mood-boosting powers. The reason for that is because when you get movement in, you take your mind off of stressors or anything else going on. You’re focusing on the activity you’re engaged in, balance, strategy, and potential (i.e. that’s why it’s important to rotate exercises or attempt more advanced movements when they no longer challenge you). So, I think you’ll follow when I say movement challenges your body and your mind. And that post-workout high you get? I’d say that’s your spirit being lifted.
Deepen your faith
Do you have a spiritual practice? Spirituality is our way as humans to explain the happenings of the world and give us purpose. It is once I developed my sense of spirituality that I was able to see myself as more than just a hamster on a wheel (going nowhere). If you’ve ever been told, “things just happen” or “that’s just the way it is”, you’ll know that is not at all comforting. An effective spiritual practice piques thought, proposes reasons for why we go through things in life, and offers possibilities for how to navigate them.
My sense of spirituality isn’t just tied to religion, churches, and prayer but if that resonates with you then keep at it. Deepen your practice, read the scriptures, and have discussions. Additionally, I think talking about our beliefs with a community that is open and receptive is one very important component to spirituality. I have found my like-minded community through podcasts I listen to and online groups on Facebook. Don’t ever feel like you’re an oddball in terms of beliefs–there is a community for everything, you just need to go out there and find it.
Seek out expanding media
This is still bouncing off the topic of spirituality but hear me out. I think a big influence on our belief system is the media we choose to consume. The shows you watch and the things you hear are reinforcing certain ideas. Are those ideas benefiting you? Many times, we don’t realize how ingrained our belief systems are until something comes forward to question it.
Start by finding a resource that speaks to you in an area that interests you. This can be a book, a blog, a podcast, a movie, or anything that piques your interest. Maybe you’re a singer and you’d like to start playing shows live; so, watch some documentaries on singers you admire. If you’re a woman who wants to travel alone but isn’t sure how, try reading the accounts of other women who have done the same. Consuming media in this way is a safe method to explore a subject you’re interested in without any commitments.
Cook something new
Ohhh yesss. If you’re typically an eat-out-at-restaurants kind of person then staying home presents an added challenge–but a fun one! For anyone completely new to cooking at home, my biggest tip is to try recreating a dish that you like ordering out. Cooking, like movement, is a lot more fun when you’re eating/doing something you like.
Those who know their way around a mixing bowl (my first kitchen experimentation was through baking before moving into cooking) but don’t often use a grill might want to try cooking something new. I know cooking can simply be a form of fuel for some and they’re pleased enough with a sandwich but, if we’re talking about learning new skills, it feels really empowering when you can make whatever it is you’re craving with confidence.
It might seem really obvious but staying at home provides a great time to bond with your family or housemates. You all are forced to see each other a little more than usual now and perhaps that has caused some head-butting. I know it has been a little tense in my house! However, talk it out and reconnect with them. Express your intentions and open up the channels for communication. That will make spending isolated time with each other much easier.
Tend to your yard and garden
Those of us who live in a traditional house can use this time to cultivate a visually attractive yard or patio. Trim any askew tree branches, dedicate a spot of land to create a compost, or re-purpose some fresh branches to grow another plant–a no-cost way to get more plants without buying more. If you have packets of seeds, then now is the perfect moment to plant flowers, veggies, or other plants to liven up your yard.
If you’re in an apartment, you can also liven up your space by sweeping the steps, clearing your patio of clutter, and creating a potted plant arrangement.
Relax & Release
Ironically, those of us who have a little more time on our hands might be the most stressed of all! It’s understandable to feel confused and even scared but holding onto such strong emotions can really weigh on you. Movement is one way to ease negative emotions out but also including practices that remind you that you are safe. I like taking a walk, drinking some warm tea while sitting outdoors, or singing aloud to my favorite songs. Let’s also give a special mention to baths because they are so helpful to warm up our muscles and release stored tension in our bodies.
If you’re staying home, this is the perfect time to sort through any closets, under the bed, or any places of storage. Years and years will pass where we just keep holding onto clothes that don’t fit us, obsolete paperwork, or knick-knacks that a friend brought back from their Cancun vacation. I’m not saying you have to get rid of anything but, going through all the corners of your home might reveal some stuff you haven’t looked at in years. When you create space, you make room for new energy, new products, and new opportunities that better align with who you are today (not the you from 10 years ago that saved that stuff).
Let’s also take a moment to give special mention to clearing out social media, email, and online storage. I know you’ve probably got tons of accounts you don’t even know you’re following on social media. Weed them out and you’ll get a feed more customized to what you want. And, instead of paying for additional storage, make use of free services like Dropbox and Google Drive–just stop clouding them up with assignments from college and photos from high school. You know who you are.
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To be honest, many of the items on this list aren’t too different from things I enjoy doing on a regular basis. The only difference now for myself, and probably for many of you, is the amount of time you have on your hands. Some of these things might not directly seem like they impact your mind, body, and spirit but it’s little actions that add to your overall peace and sense of well-being.
I think we are in an era where the term self-care comes up more often than maybe it once did. Self-care is a buzzword that has become a catch-all to describe taking time for yourself. I want to deconstruct this idea a little bit.
We hear the word self-care and what comes to mind? We all think of something right away. Maybe the cliché idea of bubbles baths or Netflix and chill are prominent images. My personal favorite methods are going on a walk, hanging out with friends, or even (back when I had my pet rabbit) petting an animal can be extremely soothing. I’d be curious to hear what your go-to ideas of self-care are, if you want to share with me.
However, I have a modest proposal: we should be doing these things every day.
Self-care things aren’t supposed to be special occasion things. When we spend time on these sorts of activities (make sure you pick your own though—don’t hesitate to choose things you like) they give us purpose. If you aren’t doing something that lights you up every day then come talk to me.
I don’t look at self-care as a momentary thing. I consider the way certain activities make me feel and how they connect to me on a soul level. I ask myself: what’s your why? If you know why you’re doing something, you can attribute more meaning to the things that feel true to you…and consequently, let go of the frivolous stuff that doesn’t really advance you.
Speaking of frivolous stuff, let’s talk social media for a sec.
I am pretty sure the reason behind the creation of any social media app or site is for the purpose of connection and inspiration. If that is how you use it then that means:
a) you don’t use it as a distraction—i.e. no mindless scrolling while on a break or standing in line. You dedicate time to spend because it makes you feel happy, and
b) you feel rejuvenated, creative, or inspired through using it.
Different situations may play out but, at the root of things, I feel both of those items would be in place if you have a healthy relationship with social media. Yet, I’d be more inclined to call BS on most anyone who claims to have a healthy relationship with social media. There really is such a fine line to walk between using it for pleasure and turning it into a trap for self-criticism.
So many people like to utilize their free time on social media but it does not really do anything for them.
You think: Okay, I’m going to spend the rest of the evening on me by doing something I enjoy. Then, you open up your phone and suddenly a few hours have passed and all you have to add to your life is a neck cramp and a treacherous spiral into comparison and self-loathing. I’ve been there!
Let’s not just blame social media though. Heck, maybe pulling up that newly added second season of a show on Netflix isn’t really doing anything for you either. You finish your episodes and really don’t feel much better. Well, maybe a smidge of satisfaction at having watched a show you like but the feeling is fleeting as you start to settle back into reality. Well, let me not speak for everyone here. If binging that second season genuinely makes you feel happy to be alive and inspired to wake up tomorrow, then keep living life exactly the way you are!
Is your self-care time disguising a need for something else?
I can’t tell you what forms of self-care are right for you and neither can anyone else. You have to be the judge of how you are using certain outlets and if they are hindering you from growth or facing other problems. While I think we could all enjoy a distraction from stressful times, whatever problems we have are still going to be there when we end our self-care ritual.
Sometimes there isn’t much that can be done in a given moment. Although, more often than not, I think we have an underlying dissatisfaction with something and we are simply avoiding dealing with it. Maybe you hate your job but it’s easier to have a killer weekend drinking with friends than figure out how to get change your situation. When your finances aren’t in a great state, you might avoid looking at your bank statement because it just feels like a weight on you. If your physical health has dwindled away, it is much more comfortable to keep up your same patterns than have to clean house on habits that are harming you.
If you know me, I like to go deep (how’s that for my new profile one-liner?). There’s a reason as to why self-care activities seem to be super hit or miss or downright cringe-y just to even think about. That’s because the cliché self-care practices tend to offer such temporary, surface-level, momentary satisfaction that barely makes a dent in what is really the issue.
Many of us (though I’d prefer to say ALL of us) have areas where we could improve. We may be aware of what those areas are or we may not. Either way, nothing is ever going to change if you don’t take an interest in getting to the root cause of why you need that clutch of a distraction you’ve been leaning on.
I’ll take longer-lasting effects over temporary satisfaction any day.
At this point, you probably get my drift that I like taking a holistic approach, going deep, and achieving longer-lasting effects. If not, I’d just be bouncing from one self-care practice to the next, never feeling any better that before. I don’t want to totally knock any “light” self-care activities but I think we reach for these because they are all we know or we are afraid to go deeper.
What I mean by that is: we are conditioned to think that when something is bothersome, irritating, or unpleasant in our lives, we need only seek out a distraction that is the opposite of all that! However, if you recognize that the problem persists, that’s when you know the problem isn’t just a passing phase—it is a deeper-seated issue that needs to be addressed.
In the latter case, what we are actually searching for is connection to our authentic selves. Whatever your belief system is, I believe we all have a spiritual self within us that desires more attention than we give it. Spirituality is just one facet of us but I think it plays an integral part in connecting to our purpose and divine guidance. Another name for it is INTUITION. When things feel off, it is not because we are meant to have a sucky life; it is because we are out of alignment with ourselves!
Do you know what the best way to connect to our authentic selves is?
It is literally, so easy you won’t believe me. It does not require a luxurious space, tons of money, or fancy gadgets.
Sit in a quiet room and think.
Yup, it’s that simple.
The magic here is listening to what comes to mind. What are the things that are weighing on you? Are you happy or unhappy with your current situation? Why? What do you want to bring more of into your life?
I know I list these off so easily but they’re not easy questions and it’s not easy to be in such a setting with zero distractions. I admit it is scary to be alone and have to confront yourself with these deeper questions when you aren’t used to doing that. The stuff that arises might be a lot of “I don’t know” answers at first but it gets better after some tries. I promise.
Taking this time to really just sit with yourself and your thoughts, participating in self-assessment and constructive personal development, is what I call authentic self-care. When you truly know yourself, you are your best self.
There are some physical tools for enhancing self-care time that you might find helpful.
I said no fancy gadgets are needed but I will recommend a journal and pen. These simple and easily accessible tools can be super helpful when you feel like you’ve got a basket of trash (thoughts) inside your head that needs emptying. When you write all of that stuff out, your head feels cleared. In essence, your journal becomes an excellent avenue for any-time brain dumps!
Additionally, if the act of sitting in complete quiet seems like the opposite of peaceful, it’s because we are so conditioned to feel like we must always be doing something. I recommend putting on a guided meditation with a focus on whatever specific intention you’d like to work on or just play instrumental meditation music to set the mood. Both of these are great tools to help you get in the right headspace and put you in a state of ease. The meditations can be accessed free on YouTube, too! I’ll link my favorite guided one and instrumental one.
Now tell me, what does self-care mean to you? What makes you feel most connected to your authentic self?
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