Ego + Accepting Criticism, the Flaws in Cancel Culture, and What Self-Development Work is Really About
This week Melanie is joined by Anya Esma to explore her process around all things personal development. You may know Anya from her YouTube channel where she talks about shadow work, tarot, journaling tools, and spiritual exploration. Some topics touched on in this episode are:
how to begin self-development work
when boundaries are necessary or limiting self-growth
how we can reconstruct cancel culture
feeling directionless or unsure of where to put focus
allowing yourself the freedom to reinvent yourself as you grow
projecting from a place of self-worth vs an egoic state
I have long been interested in personal development as a concept and as a practice for my own self-betterment. Yet, it wasn’t until recently how much I really enjoyed seeing other people’s growth and realizations about themselves in film. There’s something really amazing to me when I can watch a character’s journey and self-development as it is captured on film–particularly in a coming-of-age film!
Most people don’t experience dramatic changes all of a sudden but film allows you to follow a character over a period of time as they face a challenge, learn through an experience, or get involved in something new which completely shifts the way they are as a person. That beautiful growth, I feel, is so wonderfully captured in coming-of-age films in ways unrivaled by other genres of film.
As a quick sidenote: I am frequently using the word “film” here as opposed to movies, largely because I believe films to be more representative of an artwork made with intention (that may or may not be entertaining). Movies, on the other hand, strive for entertainment but may not always be accompanied by the artistic lens and intentional approach that films are keen on. I won’t ramble on about this but I think Robert Hardy describes it well here if you’re curious about the difference between films and movies.
To get back on point, I have always been drawn toward coming-of-age films are realized only recently that they often depict characters in struggles of self-acceptance, insecurities,friendships and relationships, exploring independence and cultivating valuesbetter representative of who they are now. Something I like to say is that these are movies about life.
So, if you, too, enjoy coming-of-age movies or if you’re curious to explore them, then keep reading.
Coming-of-Age Films You Should See
The Art of Getting By
What’s amazing about this film, besides the New York City setting, is the ease of which the main character goes about his life. George has his own schema based on what he knows and, as he is about to graduate high school, he’s been sliding by without really trying. It’s not until he meets Sally that he gets exposed to ideas, situations, and complications of the real world outside of his own.
On the surface, this story follows Elio as he blossoms into his own sensuality and sexual awakening upon meeting the older Oliver, a grad student staying with his family in Italy. In some ways, the romance between Elio and Oliver is a bit predatory but the genuineness of being young and falling in love is also beautifully shown here.
The Spectacular Now
Life seems to be all rainbows for the main character, Sutter, who has no thought about the future and only about living in the moment. It isn’t until he meets Aimee, who is different from the girls he’s known before, that his unpierceable veil of having it all together quickly crumbles. It definitely isn’t the healthiest portrayal of a relationship but there’s also room for a variety of relationships in coming-of-age films.
It’s Kind of a Funny Story
A suicidal teen checks himself into a psych ward and meets a few wacky but entirely normal friends. Through the characters, the story depicts how everyone has their own thing going on but rather than feel messed up because of the way he feels, his challenge is to come to acceptance and understanding of his own, and everyone else’s, unique quirks and stories.
Laggies
When Megan is faced with a proposal from her boyfriend, she runs away unsure of how to handle the situation. She befriends the much younger Annika and who Megan easily connects with because of her own adolescent tendencies. Megan is so used to living like a child without responsibility but, through Annika, she learns to step into her age and herself.
Like many of the films on this list, The Perks of Being a Wallflower is based on a book however, I much prefer the film adaptation of this one. While the book reads like a series of letters, the film catalogs Charlie’s reemergence into friendships, love, and even himself so vividly. Despite the trauma of his childhood, Charlie discovers who he is and his infinite value with the help of two good friends which is what makes this 90s era film eternally relatable.
Paper Towns
Another book that’s much better as a film adaptation, in my opinion. Paper Towns the book felt like a story where nothing really happens but the film highlights friendship in a beautiful way. A group of teens soon to graduate from high school get together in search of their friend Margo who has suddenly disappeared. What they thought they’d find and what they actually do find are each their own.
The Age of Seventeen
Nadine feels like her life is thrown upside-down when her best friend begins dating her older brother. While the betrayal stings, Nadine struggles to find ways to open up to the people around her. She seeks validation from adults and boys in the hopes of feeling like she is important too. The Age of Seventeen is a depiction of learning to use your words and give yourself what you crave instead of seeking ways to fill a void.
“Ladybird” feels beyond her high school life and helicopter parents and strives to live the life she dreams of. She all too quickly abandons her best friend and her true interests to pursue the grown up life she thinks she should have. Through the avant-garde main character, we see that you need not look outside yourself for who you are.
St. Elmo’s Fire
Different from most of the films on this list, St. Elmo’s Fire is coming-of-age film showcasing life right after college (instead of high school) for a group of friends as they navigate romantic relationships, beginning careers, and their sense of self, and the bond of friendship now as adults.
The Graduate
Easily the oldest one on this list, the classic film depicts the in-between time right after college when young adults consider what’s ahead. The track is often laid out for them: go to school, get a job, and get married. If that is what’s pushed on everyone, it brings into question what is actually going to make you happy.
Told through the eyes of a teenage journalist and music fan, William is on assignment from Rolling Stone magazine to cover an up-and-coming band’s tour. On the road, he is exposed to the dynamics between bandmates and their fans, where the line is between being a journalist and taking part in what’s happening around him as a human and friend, and the overall complexities of relationships.
Notable Mentions
Holes
I saw Holes repeatedly when I was younger and it isn’t until watching it with adult eyes that I noticed the troubled cases that led the characters to arrive together. The story touches on the value of friendship, the impact of violence and history, and the detrimental way that one moment can change everything.
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Is there a truer depiction of friendship than four best friends who use letters and a pair of jeans to keep them connected over the course of a summer? Each of the friends has their own unique adventure and story about growth, experiences, and love.
If I Stay
When a talented young violinist gets into a car accident with her family, she stands precariously between life and death as she reconsiders the life she has been living and if it is worthwhile to carry on. While I thoroughly enjoyed the book more, the film portrays the way family and friends can create such a supportive system to allow the young main character to trust herself and what she wants.
The thing that stands out about Say Anything is the maturity and pure relationship between the main characters. While it’s a rom-com by genre, it captures two teenagers right out of high school with their own established goals and self-identity. They think they have it all together, and for a moment they do, but each of them bring out areas and qualities in each other’s lives in a way some adult relationships in film may never even show.
The Breakfast Club
It might seem overplayed when millennial culture revisited The Breakfast Club but this movie is pretty quintessential high school. Teens from different cliques all connect through one Saturday detention at school. It definitely illuminates how, no matter their social circle, everyone has their own struggles and insecurities.
Pretty in Pink
As a teenager, this was my personal favorite 80s movie so it deserves a place on this list. Andie is a poor girl, not part of the in-crowd in high school, which is all she craves. Her best friend sees her for who she is despite her striving to be more and fit in with the cool crowd. Financial privilege, popularity, and impactful relationships are what make this a stand out film.
You can find the coming-of-age trope in many films of olden times and now. Everything from The Outsiders to Scott Pilgrim vs. The World alludes to the issues teens and young adults face while growing up. It’s a fascinating and relatable time, however it shows up in film, so it never gets old for me.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this list of my favorite coming-of-age films! Do you see the personal development and self-growth aspects that I’m fond of? What are your favorite coming-of-age films? Do share in the comments!
Xo Melanie
P.S. Check out my other favorite movie list inspired by the Fall Feels here.
This year hasn’t been a total bust! I know the internet has been “cancelling 2020” since March but I want to share some things that have made this year great–a best of 2020 list! I’ve taken much of this stay-at-home this time to find what brings me happiness. A lot of that has me turning to simple things like going outside or incorporating a slower pace to my days. Things like leisure and peace were hard for me to come by but since creating that, I’ve been more apt to enjoy everything in a fuller way than I thought possible.
So, today I’d like to highlight some things that have made my 2020 a little better. Everything is broken into categories that span from podcasts to movies to products I’ve loved and much more!
Mel Makes It Happen Best of 2020 List
PODCASTS
Hormone Harmony: The End of PMS, Cramps, Infertility, and Cycle Syncing with Alissa Vitti
This is the best ever way I’ve heard fertility and female-centric information delivered with relevance to male and female listeners. Luke Story’s Life Stylist Podcast delivers hard facts and approachable information so everyone can learn something here!
How This Virus is Happening FOR Us, Not TO Us + The Connection Between Virus & Lyme
When the pandemic first started, I heard this episode from The Balanced Blonde // Soul On Fire podcast and it resonated immediately. If you still struggle to understand why we are experiencing everything coronavirus/pandemic-related then this episode offers a different perspective.
Joy. Want More? Listen Now! With Shannon Kaiser
While actually from late 2019, I listened to this episode this year. The Party in My Plants Podcast is thoroughly entertaining and information-filled and this episode was one that stood out to me. It is full of super amazing tips on how to live authentically, happily, and from a place of alignment with your wants and goals.
TMJ, Jaw Pain, Substance P: The Missing Link in Dentistry with Dr. Dwight Jennings
I know I’m not the only one who suffers from TMJ issues and jaw pain. I recently heard an episode of Luke Story’s Life Stylist Podcast with a dentist who specializes in addressing the inflammatory component that headaches, TMJ symptoms, forward head posture, tinnitus, earaches, and increased susceptibility to Lyme and other viruses. If any of these apply to you, then you’ve got to check out the episode!!
Cancel Culture, Empathy, Understanding, and Forgiveness with Creative Activist Dom Roberts
One of the best episodes I heard during the Black Lives Matter Movement during the summer, Dom Roberts brings the material to an approachable place on The Skinny Confidential Him and Her Show.
The Quarter Life Crisis
Fellow Millennials, you’re probably at this place or have experienced what feels like an early mid-life crisis. Why does this happen? The Goop Podcast breaks it down.
Make It Happen Podcast S2 E2
Living A Bigger, Fuller Life Beyond Diet Culture with Mélanie Le Blanc Sturgeon
Yes, I’m including one of my Make It Happen Podcast episodes as a favorite from 2020! This conversation changed so much for me. We are all bombarded with diet culture in our society and this episode strips away the food rules and explains the freedom of coming back to our version of true health.
MOVIES / SHOWS
Chasing Happiness (Amazon)
I know I wasn’t the only one who was crushed to hear the Jonas Brothers broke up back in 2013. This documentary was SO enlightening as to the many elements at play leading up to that point and how they’ve reconnected. They are brothers first and that heart is so well-captured in this film.
The 2019 remake of the original story puts a new spin on the characters and adds a modern freshness to Laurie and Jo, played by Timothee Chalamet and Saoirse Ronan.
Same title? Yes, I know! But this mini series was so good and it is probably a better place to start if you’re new to the Little Women story as it is the most comprehensive adaptation. The pacing of this version feels heartwarmingly true to the novel.
This rendition of the classic story really dives into the details of the characters’ lives, their years-long hardships, and the themes of love and redemption in depth. I was crying alongside the characters and felt so attached after finishing the 6 episode mini series. I say that’s a sign of a well-made show.
A super-approachable dive into the environmental issues affecting countries around the world and how they’re working to resolve them through sustainability. It divides screen time between chats with grassroots organizations and locals and also provides an Anthony Bourdain-esque look at some unique entertainment spots around the city.
13 Reasons Why (Netflix)
Season 4 wrapped up the end of the gripping teen series based off of the book 13 Reasons Why. I have loved seeing the emotional development of the characters and a depiction of how processing trauma looks different for everyone. Many times shows depict characters playing out the same mistakes over and over again but I think the writing on this show is spectacular and makes it worth seeing if you haven’t yet!
Emily in Paris (Netflix)
Fresh, funny, and fabulous is the best way I can describe this show. I’m here for anything Lily Collins stars in and she shines vibrantly with her unique style and flair as a marketing expert hired to bring an American perspective to a Parisian company.
Never Have I Ever (Netflix)
While I’m not a Hindi teen, I think this show tugs at those memories from teenage years enough to make the show new and different but also majorly funny and relatable! It’s been my favorite comedy that I’ve seen in a long time!
YOUTUBE CHANNELS
Qigong with Ksney
I got introduced to qigong this year and it’s also been a big help with balancing my energy levels. It’s like the chinese form of yoga but much gentler and approachable for most any body!
Maddie creates a variety of workout videos on YouTube from strength training to ballet to low impact and body part-specific workouts. I love her dance workouts! They’ve saved me from being bored at home during 2019!
I particularly love her lymphatic drainage massage videos! Lymph drainage helps with depuffing and skin toning and watching a tutorial is perfect guidance for newbies like me!
Pitched as chats about creating comfort in our minds, bodies, and souls, Kayln Nicholson introduces ideas we may not have heard of in the realm of health, wellness, and spirituality in a thorough and fascinating way.
I don’t know about you but I’ve been ordering more groceries online the past several months. I started using instacart and I’m hooked on how efficient it is. I like that you can order from several stores all at once and get your items delivered on the same day or on the scheduled day of your choosing. Try it here or use my code to get free delivery on your first order: MMORENO8CBE16E.
Mercari
It’s easy to be a consumer these days and not think about what happens to items after they are purchased, but so much of what we buy can be reused! Mercari is a place to sell and buy new and/or used items to anyone throughout the United States. It works similarly to eBay but there’s a lot more seller and buyer protection here–plus, listings are easier to navigate. I’ve bought everything from workout gear to a set of books and more! Sign up with my link and get $10 to spend on your first purchase.
Depop
While mostly a place for reselling new and used clothes, Depop gives a life to secondhand items that would otherwise end up overflowing thrift stores or landfills. I love being able to shop for unique, vintage, or specific-style pieces that are not available where I live. Whether you’re buying or selling, you’re sure to find something that meets your taste on Depop.
Rakuten
Shopping online more than ever before? Yeah, me too. Rakuten offers frequent deals at a variety of merchants online and in-store. You can get cash back from shopping at places you’re already going to shop at. Whether I’m grabbing Target essentials or organizing a PetCo order (for Millie), there’s most always a chance to earn cash back. Rates begin at 1% of your purchase and at times can be as high as 15% of your order. The money then gets deposited into your PayPal account. I kind of prefer the desktop browser plug-in but you can also use Rakuten on a mobile device with their app. Sign up with my link and get a $10 reward bonus.
Honey
Again, if you’re ever online shopping you’ve seen that little box on the checkout page that allows you to add a promo code. Honey basically saves you time and scopes out deals and codes so you don’t have to. Consider it your automatic coupon assistant! Try it out here.
Every ted talk is a good one. I mean, the individuals were asked to be speakers for a reason, right? However, here are some that I saw this year which stood out to me.
I get super interested in people to the point where I’ll want to read their books, listen to their podcasts, watch their interviews, and just soak in all of their radiance. I’m not always quite so enamored by people but there have been a few that I’ve found to be expansive for me as a person this year.
Timothée Chalamet
After I saw Little Women I had a moment where I was doing just as I said above and diving deep into his previous interviews and revisiting his small array of films. I think what I find most inspiring about him as a person is his passion for the craft of acting. He respects those who have come before him and seeks learning and self-betterment. From his interviews, he seems quite humble about his own talents and keeps his ego in check so as to not take any success that he has received for granted. That sort of approach doesn’t resonate with everyone but I enjoy seeing the steadfast dedication he has as an actor and I’ve been dancing with how I can be more invested in the value of the work I am doing than how others perceive me.
photo from Netflix
Hasan Minhaj
I feel like the sky is the coolest person on the planet but she doesn’t attempt to know it all. His Netflix series, Patriot Act (definitely a favorite, too!!!) brought light to many issues affecting our political atmosphere. Many times these were issues not just affecting the United States but the world as a whole. It’s so easy now with the internet to provide a hot take that is under researched and more opinion than fact. Hasan spends time trying to gather the facts and he has a way of thoroughly presenting those to a lay audience (which is most people, to be honest) with relatability through humor.
My takeaway inspiration has to do with being willing to learn and investigate where no one else is willing to do that “hard work” because you know there is value in it. So, once you know what’s important, you convey that to an audience that probably hasn’t done the research themselves but now has a foundation of information that they can use to make better decisions for themselves and their communities.
Here’s a super cool video where he shares how he got to where he is and offers advice on figuring out your unique talents:
I’m a big fan of all things relationships and love hearing about ways to create more real and fulfilling relationships. His podcast is full of those juicy, woke nuggets and you can also catch him on Instagram @createthelove. I’ve been inspired by what he shares because it’s very much rooted in doing the work on yourself so that you can go into relationships with your authentic wants and things to offer the relationship.
FOOD
Vegan Buckwheat Pumpkin Pancakes Recipe
I discovered the magical abilities of buckwheat flour this year, which is entirely gluten-free, and it resembles traditional flour nicely in baked goods. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve remade these pumpkin pancakes but they’re definitely a favorite from this year!
I started eating white potatoes more regularly this year. It’s been interesting to find ways to eat them that aren’t covered in butter and cheese (things I don’t eat and things that don’t make me feel good). I usually slice and soak my potatoes in water for a few hours before rinsing them and cooking. The spice blend and oven roasted nature of this fries recipe in particular is so tasty for me!
Store-bought veggie burgers are kind of a treat item for me. I like to have them on hand for quick meals but these don’t taste boring to me. The texture inside is soft but the outside is nicely firm, especially when cooked on a cast-iron skillet. I like serving them with sautéed carrots and cabbage or over a big salad with hummus. I get Dr. Praeger’s burgers at Vons but there’s a store locator on their website for other places you can find them.
I’ve tried taking CBD for anxiety and stress but that doesn’t hold a torch to this cinnamon tea! I love tea and I feel significantly calmer after drinking a cup. I’m hooked!
I don’t know how many times I made this recipe but it doesn’t even matter. These bars have been the best for an easy and filling breakfast. It might seem “wild” to use tahini in baked goods but I assure you these are delicious. Sometimes I’ll throw blueberries in instead of chocolate chips but they always come out delicious.
I talk about this product in my TMJ tips and tools post. It’s a completely invasive oil that helps bring relaxation to the jaw muscles that I’ve found to be quite helpful!
The bonus calming blend of adaptogenic herbs makes this probiotic a standout compared to the probiotics occupying shelves everywhere. Plus with it being organic, it has my stamp of approval!
Someone recommended this pillow to me because I’ve had long-standing issues with neck pain. I can say that very quickly upon switching to this pillow, my neck pain is pretty much all gone! I am a back sleeper with a tendency to turn to the side and this pillow provides the perfect support for me. I do also like that Cushion Lab uses certified CertiPUR memory foam and organic cotton pillowcase coverings. I recommend it if the above sounds like you!
I’ve opted for a minimal or no make up look for the majority of this year but this concealer is powerful. A little bit under my eyes makes me look wide awake! I’m also happy to mention this one because it is a vegan-friendly, cruelty-free, and this concealer comes in a wide array of shades!
Topical CBD is usually available as a balm or salve which is okay…but I like this non-greasy formula! It’s very strong so it’s best to apply and wait a few minutes before going wild with the roll-on. It’s deep penetrating formula is meant for pain relief so you can feel the effects within minutes.
Okay, fellow females, if you aren’t using a menstrual cup then you need to try it! I was tired of throwing so much plastic and material into the wastebasket each time I was on my period. Not to mention the upkeep of having to buy pads or tampons. The cup took some figuring out at first (accidentally pinching myself a couple of times, too) but if I could figure it out, I’m confident you can, too! I feel so much cleaner on my period with my cup and that makes a big difference in the way I feel about myself on my period, too.
I’ve been using the Raw Sugar mango + coconut lip balm for a while now but this year I tried the lemon sugar version just for fun and WOW, I’m in love. It’s not overly lemony or overly scented in any way at all. Subtle, sweet, and nicely moisturizing. I like all the Raw Sugar balms but this one is my new go-to. I used to get it at Target but the Lemon Sugar variety can be a little hard to find so I’ll link to it on Amazon. However, check your local CVS or drug store and you could probably find it for less there.
There’s been so much that I’ve learned and enjoyed this year that cannot be linked to and, yet, is still important.
Nature
It has been the one thing that has helped me feel a sense of grounding through the heaviness and out of control state that the world has been in. Nature isn’t a trend or a hobby, it is a necessary part of my health and well-being. Spending even just a few minutes outside on a daily basis makes a difference for me!
Millie the Dutch rabbit
Millie
My little fair-bunny-turned-house-rabbit has been my side kick through it all this year. She’s a high-maintenance little character at times but she’s helped me learn to love again and find softness in myself, as well as just smile more! That is priceless.
Twice-a-day meditation
I originally learned to meditate through a program called Ziva Meditation but I’ve taken what I learned and made it my own. It advocates for 2 daily meditations, each 15 minutes in length. The time aspect was driving me nuts so I don’t abide by a strict amount of time now. Often 20 minutes feels like a good amount for me in the morning, but I often like to sit for longer in the afternoons. I feel much more clear, stable, and revived after meditating. It’s also my time for introspection and connecting with my inner self. A lot happens during these meditations and the benefits make the time allocation worth it for me.
Thanks for reading my Best of 2020 wrap-up post! There truly is a lot that I appreciate and have grown to love this year. Anyone who knows me knows I’m also not a fan of picking favorites so I feel pretty proud of myself for summing up the year with some standout things, as shown on this list. I hope I’ve given you some things that you’d like to try for yourself or simply entertain you for a little bit.
xoxo,
Melanie
Like what you see? Pin it!
If you’d like to share, what’s on your best of 2020 list? You know I’d love to hear!
Wishing you a 2021 filled with joy and much to love!
I have numerous posts here on my blog about different treatments I’ve tried and different approaches I have undertaken in an attempt to heal the constant tension and pain I’ve held in my jaw and neck for the past 2+ years. Pain that has transferred and manifested in several other parts of my body, too. At times the pain subsides and, other times, I wonder how I can keep on living in my body. I’m sure if you deal with TMJ Disorder or have any form of chronic pain you can understand how I feel.
It’s taken a lot of exploration, self-care, and resilience to get me here today. I now bear a fraction of the TMJ pain I once had and my symptoms have nearly gone away. I went from not being able to open my mouth larger than the size of a golf ball to, well, having my face feel more like my face again.
There are some key things that have helped me and I want to share them in case they can be of help to you–wherever you are in your journey to heal TMJD or chronic pain!
Quick definition:
TMJ stands for Temporomandibular joint which is the joint that runs along the side of the face. It begins at the temples and runs down in front of the earlobes and into the jaw. TMJ is not an ailment itself but TMJD (or TMJ Disorder) involves a series of symptoms stemming from that area of the body.
There is a lot that I’ve learned (not only about my TMJ symptoms but) about my overall health and the very interconnectedness of all aches, stressors, symptoms, emotions, and more that I feel needs to be talked about.
Before I dive into how I’ve been able to heal, I want to drop some references to other posts you may want to check out. My process for healing my TMJ disorder and related pains involved me looking into how I could better myself on multiple levels.
Because this is the internet, I will also put the disclaimer that anything I share here is just personal experience and meant to be used for educational purposes and not as a replacement for medical care, professional advice, or otherwise.
My only suggestion would be to try out what stands out to you and know that a combination of the below therapies and tools have work best rather than just one thing alone. Also, be open-minded and be willing to commit to yourself! Healing is on the other side of resistance.
The Mel Makes It Happen Grand List of Tools for TMJ Disorder:
Oral Night Guard
I got a night guard early on when pain in my jaw first started developing. These are easy to obtain at drugstores but I would recommend getting one specially made for you at your dentist/orthodontist because that one will be much more comfortable!
Essential Oils
I’ve tried a variety of essential oils, including Young Living’s PanAway blend or the Saje Wellness Peppermint Halo roll-on for when my jaw had serious pain. Those are my personal favorites but if you have single oils on hand, you can apply a mix of peppermint, rosemary, clove, wintergreen, and helichrysum can be a good one, too. However, what has been incredibly helpful for me has actually been theH. Gillerman Jaw Clenching Remedy. It works subtly to calm the jaw enough to release the muscles. Once the jaw is less focused on clenching, it is more susceptible to the benefits of physical therapy exercises (see below).
CBD
While CBD doesn’t completely take away pain, it does dull pain enough for you to carry on with your day/night. While essential oils tend to provide an invigorating or calming effect (depending on what oil you use), CBD encourages relaxation which can be especially helpful before bed. Anything you can do to help relax you so you’re not clenching is helpful!
Jade Roller
The facial self-care is definitely up when you have TMJ disorder. Ajade rollercan feel very nice, not only because of its cooling effects (when stored in the fridge) but because it helps rub out the muscles. Jade rolling can be done morning or night as an accompaniment to your skincare routine. I like to use the roller to focus near the sides of my face on the muscles a little harder to dig into with my hands alone.
Yoga
There are some yoga stretches that may be helpful when TMJD symptoms extend past the jaw and into the neck, shoulders, and back. I like this 10 min videoto help squeeze out the knots in the upper body. Definitely explore videos on YouTube because there are lots of yoga and stretching videos for any part of the body that needs some loving. Here’sanother good one just in case you like options!
Therapeutic Face Massage
If you don’t have a jade roller, or if you’re just more of a hands-on person, self massage is perfect! I started researching various massages on YouTube and foundthis one to be really helpful.
Chiropractic Care
I started seeing a chiropractor in January 2020 and you can read all about my experience in my 6 month recap post. It took me trying out three different chiropractors to find one with a structured treatment plan aimed at helping my jaw improve. In a situation like this, I was also given physical therapy exercises I could do at home, which I feel are very necessary if you have TMJ issues. It’s worthwhile to get clear on what the professional can help with and constantly reassess treatment as your symptoms change. You want someone who is willing to work with you and not solely lead you down a path they feel is best.
MY TIP: When first looking for a chiropractor, or any professional healthcare assistance, it’s best to call or visit their website to see if they have a specific treatment plan for how to tend to TMJ disorder.
Acupuncture
I’ve also written about my acupuncture experienceand this was one of my favorite treatments. The same rules from above apply (ask questions!). My acupuncturist is more consultation-based so I was able to ask questions and express concerns at the initial and every subsequent visit. I had cupping done, to help draw out the tension, and needles inserted, to target the root of my pain spots. The perk of acupuncture is how relatively quick results are. So, a couple of weeks of treatment will definitely move the needle in the healing direction (pun intended).
Facial Massage
A friend of mine introduced me to qi gong which is a gentle form of movement that helps to maximize your body’s natural energy. One day I curiously searched for qi gong for the face on YouTube and came across someqi gong facial massages! I’d consider these to be different than physical therapy or other types of facial massage. While they aren’t targeted at TMJ pain, I think they help get the energy flowing when my face feels a little stiff or swollen (especially in the mornings).
Dr. Adam Fields TMJ videos
I recommend these more than anything! The exercises outlined in Dr. Field’s firstand secondvideo really help to stretch the jaw in unique ways I hadn’t seen anywhere else. Obviously I’ve sought out many resources and that’s why I’ve put together this list! If you are like me and deal with neck issues also, his series of videos for neck exercises are also outstanding.
Lymphatic Drainage Massage
I want to do a whole post about lymphatic drainage because this whole system is so fascinating! With all of the muscle tension, swelling, and pain happening in the face, jaw, and neck, lymphatic drainage helps to aid in detoxification. This specific style of massage works with the lymphatic system to decrease inflammation and puffiness, which are (in my opinion) frustrating and uncomfortable side effects to TMJ issues. This video is specifically for the jaw, cheek, and neck.
You may be wondering if you read that right or if I made a mistake with the title and the answer is no. I fully meant singing. I started to think about the jaw/neck pain that I had on a multi level way, besides physical. I resonate with the chakra system and in that methodology, dysfunction in the neck and jaw equates with not speaking your truth or underutilizing your communication sector. Singing is a rather fun way of opening up the vocal chords and loosening up the jaw. I began dedicating time to vocal warm ups and singing along to my favorite songs on a regular basis.
Enforcing boundaries
In the same spirit of tapping into the throat chakra, enforcing boundaries is a very important thing to communicate. In the past, I have tended to shy away from saying no and have looked for others to set the pace. This is not only a very passive way to live but it encourages others to walk all over you! I’ve gained more understanding of my values and have thus been practicing laying out my needs with others as clearly as possible. Take what you want from this but exercising this muscle has been so helpful for me.
Speaking my truth, unapologetically
What hurts me the most is not standing up for myself. Not being honest about what matters to me and, instead, morphing to fit what others desire. It is incredibly unsustainable, for one. Secondly, I’ve come into the mindset that each one of us deserves happiness. So dimming our light or belittling ourselves so as not to take up space (literally or figuratively) is only keeping us from blossoming into the most healed and authentic version of ourselves. Do not be afraid to share what is really in your heart!
Stress reduction
Have you heard that stress is the cause of all ails? It is linked to many chronic illnesses and that is largely because it keeps your body in a heightened state of panic, utilizing all of its valuable resources! Think: fight or flight. When your body is stressed out, it isn’t able to spend time allocating resources to engage in bodily processes or heal. Think: rest and digest. Instead of zooming places, rushing through your day, or holding your breath (something I’m guilty of), consider how you can make this very moment a little more peaceful? If you can incorporate relaxation into this moment, and then the next moment, and then the next, you’re better setting your body up to heal itself.
Self-connection
I believe our bodies hold answers to many things about us that we may not even be consciously aware of. A practice I like to do involves sitting in a quiet room alone and taking note of how I feel. Asking myself what the spots I hold pain are saying and what they are asking me to notice. Our bodies really do talk to us but we have to be open to listening. Take what you may from this but connecting to myself in this way has helped me feel more involved in my healing and not just a passenger in the process.
Having a healing mindset
I share this one last because I have struggled to maintain this myself. I feel that my own healing fluctuates a lot and that has made me doubt whether I’m getting better or not. I’ve been working to shift my perspective to not see obstacles as “not healing” but rather a step in the life-long process of healing.
Healing is on the other side of resistance.
There we are! I’ve tried many remedies and techniques to help heal my TMJ disorder symptoms naturally and I’ve covered just about all of them. My jaw has felt better in recent time but I wouldn’t say any one thing alone has taken my jaw pain away. I will say that dedication to healing and being willing to try out a combination of the aforementioned tools has helped me become happier and more able to function in a way that feels “like myself”.
I hope you may give some of these a try and let me know how it goes. Plus, feel free to share any treatments or techniques that have worked for you in the comments. I’d love to make this as large of a resource page as possible!
Lastly, if you know anyone who could use the information on this post, please send it their way!
Over the past three years, I’ve opened up to the reality that many behaviors I thought were healthy are quite the opposite. I’ve talked about this before on the blog but I thought it was worth coming back to so that we can explore what happens after becoming aware of disordered eating behaviors.
The thing I wasn’t prepared for was the way the disordered eating mindset and behaviors transcend over time.
*Before we go any further, I want to lead with the disclaimer that I am not a licensed therapist or clinical psychologist so everything that I talk about here on this blog is purely anecdotal. I always encourage doing your own research and seeking professional help when in doubt.*
For anyone not coming from a disordered eating background, the thought you have might be: why would anyone want to put so many restrictions around food and how to eat? To put the answer plainly: any form of disordered eating is done as a method to obtain control.
It can occur when triggering things occur outside of you, or with other aspects of your life, and you turn to food because that can be controlled. Believe it or not, disordered eating has very little to do with the cliched media perpetuation of a teenager just becoming concerned with their body image. When our bodies grow and change, that can concern but it has more to do with the ideas ingrained in us about what the size of our bodies means and what restricting our food intake can offer us.
Christy Harrison, an Intuitive Eating Dietitian, calls diet culture “the life thief”. All of the time that we spend on planning what to eat, when to eat, how to eat, how much to eat, and more, we could be spending on other things in life that could bring us joy. With all of the time we spend in the arena of food and restriction, we could use that time for hobbies, career, connection, and fulfillment in ways we have yet to discover.
Anyone can be a victim to diet culture mentality but if you have disordered eating habits running your life, then that’s how life starts to feel depressing.
My disordered eating habits offered me:
Structure
Rules
Systems
Meal plans or guidelines
Community
Most importantly: control
Yet, if restricting food offered me control, letting go of the rules gave me freedom.
Freedom from disordered eating, in my eyes, involves:
No guilt
Patience
Ease
More time
Connection
Gratitude
Peaceful surrender
I’ve seen some others on Instagram talk about finding food freedom post-ED (eating disorder) life and now being able to enjoy eating all the foods they never thought they could eat before. Usually they have a pretty, sparkly photo of them standing in an empowered pose or at a restaurant, smiling with their plate of food. It’s a really cool motivational clip from the film reel of their life. Naively, I thought that all it took was eating one of my “forbidden foods” and I’d be healed! That would allow me to renounce my restrictive ways, pass go, collect $200, and be off taking photos of myself smiling in a bikini and biting into a huge burger. I’m not making this stuff up; these are actual photos I’ve seen on Instagram!
Really, though, recovering isn’t just one moment. It is days and weeks and months of re-framing your beliefs about food.
I’m still very much in that process. I had been restricting for a long while but I finally opened up to the desire to surrender to the needs of my body. I was ready for peace to set in because I truly wanted to ditch the diet culture and all of their groupies. What did this miraculous moment look like?
So I first inched into this “freedom” territory by allowing myself as much healthy food as I wanted to eat. If I eat nothing but nutrient-rich food so why measure out my servings of quinoa, right? Right but also wrong. I was still organizing food into categories as if there is good and bad food. This had to stop if I was ever really going to find food freedom.
Remember the days and weeks and months I mentioned? Yeah, insert those here! I took time to work through my beliefs and ask myself why I valued certain foods above others. Then, I was able to conclude that I needed to also allow myself to eat foods that weren’t traditionally “healthy” in my book.
The true healing happens when you are willing to rebel against what you think you know. Only then are you able to see the expansiveness of the other side–of freedom.
Something I wasn’t prepared for in recovery was the amount of food I would want to eat.
It’s almost as if my body wanted to make up for all of the time I spent holding back on food. I had restricted myself, not just by omitting certain foods but, by labeling foods as good or bad. So, once I decided not to label food, I kind of just wanted to eat everything…and as fun as it sounds in theory, it was very uncomfortable to deal with.
I felt excited to have food freedom but, still, in the back of my mind, I couldn’t help but wonder: what will happen to my body?
If you like this content, also check out the episode of the Make It Happen Podcast: Living A Bigger Fuller Life with Melanie Le Blanc Sturgeon.
I think our bodies are beautiful systems that know what to do naturally. Just the same way we see a cut on our finger bleeds but, given a few hours, slowly starts to seal and heal on its own–so, too, can our bodies. Many processes are occurring inside of our bodies at any given moment. There are processes that help keep oxygen coming into our lungs, blood flowing through our veins, and our brains able to interpret this writing on a screen as information you can understand.
When we go too long without eating, our bodies seek an equilibrium.
It might seem scary when you catch yourself grabbing seconds, eating higher-calorie foods, or finishing your restaurant plate instead of saving half to take home. Where is the Disordered Eaters Recovery Squad to come be my cheer-leading team as I maneuver through so many new situations? (I don’t know if such a thing exists but if you can find a solid support group then that would be the next best thing!)
In the deprivation days, food was the enemy. During the days of uncertainty, food became a friend.
I knew I wanted to eat and I knew I had to allow that for my body to get back to a state of safety that it once knew–a balance.
Everyone’s journey looks different but, for me, this is where I thought I had healed but now realize I only shed a layer. I thought as long as I wasn’t undereating, I was fine. However, I started to turn to food for comfort. Naturally, for so long, food was a pleasure I didn’t allow myself to have. My body, now thankful to eat, also deemed food a scarcity. It’s okay to reach for food out of pleasure but I’m now getting into deeper layers and asking myself why I feel this way.
The steps everyone goes through are likely different, and so is the time frame, which I only say to discourage anyone from comparing. Our journeys are incomparable because each one of us has our own beliefs and issues and circumstances to work through.
Essentially, the purpose of me writing this post today is just to put it out there that habits don’t just die all at once. No matter what anyone says, healing comes in layers.
It wasn’t until this past year that I woke up to how much I have been relying on food. I have treated it as something greater and higher than me instead of just something to satisfy my belly and give me fuel. This is the part of my healing that I am actively working through. It’s more challenging than anything I’ve faced because it’s also something that has affected me longer than I realized. I have to remind daily myself that I am okay. I am safe. Food is delicious but it isn’t everything–and it certainly isn’t a reflection of my worth as a person. I can see that now.
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