Less than two months ago I was dealing with a unique form of pain that was beginning to really inhibit my daily life. The pain was inescapable because it was on my face: along my jaw, sides of my cheeks, and stretching down into my neck and upper back. Now, this did not develop overnight but over the past year it has gradually been getting worse. I’m all about working on my body and my health by myself but this was a situation that I felt outside help was necessary.
TMJ & clenching my jaw
Let me backtrack a little and say that I believe the pain in my face started after I got my wisdom teeth removed. I did not have any complications post-procedure but I did notice the mobility of my jaw just felt different. So, I hit up my dentist to get a professional opinion. My dentist quickly shut down the idea that there could be any possible link between my wisdom teeth removal and the pain I had in my face.
I take a holistic approach with everything regarding my body and I knowit is all connected. He said I was grinding my teeth and that is why I had the tension build-up in my face. My dentist “diagnosed me” with a TMJ issue, which stands for Temporomandibular joint Syndrome. I was given a referral to a specialist 4 hours away from me but the idea of getting a retainer or physical therapy for my face did not seem appealing. I don’t want to discredit anything TMJ specialists can do but I had literally been doing at least 2 facial massage + mobility exercises a day, jade-rolling, and rubbing various high-potency essential oils on my face for months to no avail. So the issue felt deeper-rooted.
I was at a place where my face felt stiff and swollen 24/7 and simply smiling was downright uncomfortable and painful.
Given the likelihood that I had begun grinding my teeth after my wisdom teeth surgery, I began to work on releasing my jaw. I tend to clench my jaw, fists, and toes when under stress. So, that did certainly make a difference in my jaw but that would only be helpful going forward…there was still the pain that had previously formed which needed to be addressed—pain that can only be described as a constant, bothersome, tension that was deeply embedded in my body. No amount of foam rolling, stretching, and self-massages could release it.
I had been curious to try acupuncture for a while but I have always tried to cure my body on my own. Plus, I inquired about the pricing per session and my insurance was not going to cover it. I’d have to pay full price. So I sat on the idea, wondering if I could find someone else…meanwhile researching on Google how acupuncture has been used to treat TMJ.
The tipping point.
I was already living with constant swelling, a distinct heat and redness on my face, and a “tugging” feeling on the muscle down the side of my jaw. Yet, it wasn’t until I was eating dinner one day where I could hear my jaw making a clicking/popping sound. My family turned their heads in surprise. I did a few jaw exercises to see if that would help but it felt like the bones where my neck meets my jaw were coming out of place and pulling at the tendons in my neck. The sound was unsettling but the tightness and the way my bones rubbed together was worse. My jaw started to tire out and, quickly, it hurt so much I was in tears.
I ponied up and called my local acupuncturist to book an appointment. The blessed soul had availability the very next day.
I can’t speak for all acupuncturists but the way mine works is:
He takes your weight, blood pressure, pulse, and asks what has brought you in. You describe your issue and he takes you to a room to lie down on a bed for treatment.
I was seeking treatment for my face, jaw, neck, and upper back. The first session involved cups and needles but, as the sessions progressed, I would receive more needles than I would cups.
I won’t pretend to know the ins and outs of this therapy but I believe cupping serves to draw out tension and the darker areas also provide a guide to the acupuncturist as to where to place needles. So, in my first treatment, I removed my shirt and got cups placed all over my back. After about 20 minutes, needles were placed at various places on my back and neck, and a needle on each of my feet. After 15 minutes, those were removed and I flipped over to have needles placed on my face, neck, hands, and feet.
It is worth stating that I didn’t feel any immediate changes to my pain and tension after the session but I did feel calmer, at ease, and I just steady. At the point of two days post-session, I can safely say about 75% of my pain was gone.
I felt dramatically different but that certainly was not enough for me to stop there. I proceeded to have weekly treatments to target my jaw and neck area. Each time, I’d go through a similar process of cups and needles. The sessions that followed were similar to my first, just with cups and needles placed in slightly different spots depending on where the pain/tension was at. As they went on, the fewer cups I needed to get because the tension I had was also lower. It felt like additional increments of that remaining 25% tension were getting alleviated each time. Even the redness and swelling were gone around session 4.
The purpose of this post is just to describe how acupuncture has helped with my TMJ and shed some light on how it helped!
I don’t yet know if I’ll need to get acupuncture for the same issue again soon or in the coming months but right now I can say that my TMJ has been greatly alleviated. Also, I noted earlier that releasing my jaw makes a difference. Well, now that the pain is largely gone, I can implement that habit and use that for preventing tension from building up as badly as it had.
FInal note: My acupuncture sessions literally became my favorite part of my week. They proved to be so relaxing (even though I had needles stuck in my skin!) that I would nearly fall asleep. Even though this alternative medicine treatment can be pricey, when you’re dealing with an issue that drastically depletes your quality of life, it is worth tending to! I’m extremely grateful to have tried this form of treatment and, if you’re dealing with TMJ or a similarly deep musculoskeletal issue, I certainly recommend giving acupuncture a try.
I think we are in an era where the term self-care comes up more often than maybe it once did. Self-care is a buzzword that has become a catch-all to describe taking time for yourself. I want to deconstruct this idea a little bit.
We hear the word self-care and what comes to mind? We all think of something right away. Maybe the cliché idea of bubbles baths or Netflix and chill are prominent images. My personal favorite methods are going on a walk, hanging out with friends, or even (back when I had my pet rabbit) petting an animal can be extremely soothing. I’d be curious to hear what your go-to ideas of self-care are, if you want to share with me.
However, I have a modest proposal: we should be doing these things every day.
Self-care things aren’t supposed to be special occasion things. When we spend time on these sorts of activities (make sure you pick your own though—don’t hesitate to choose things you like) they give us purpose. If you aren’t doing something that lights you up every day then come talk to me.
I don’t look at self-care as a momentary thing. I consider the way certain activities make me feel and how they connect to me on a soul level. I ask myself: what’s your why? If you know why you’re doing something, you can attribute more meaning to the things that feel true to you…and consequently, let go of the frivolous stuff that doesn’t really advance you.
Speaking of frivolous stuff, let’s talk social media for a sec.
I am pretty sure the reason behind the creation of any social media app or site is for the purpose of connection and inspiration. If that is how you use it then that means:
a) you don’t use it as a distraction—i.e. no mindless scrolling while on a break or standing in line. You dedicate time to spend because it makes you feel happy, and
b) you feel rejuvenated, creative, or inspired through using it.
Different situations may play out but, at the root of things, I feel both of those items would be in place if you have a healthy relationship with social media. Yet, I’d be more inclined to call BS on most anyone who claims to have a healthy relationship with social media. There really is such a fine line to walk between using it for pleasure and turning it into a trap for self-criticism.
So many people like to utilize their free time on social media but it does not really do anything for them.
You think: Okay, I’m going to spend the rest of the evening on me by doing something I enjoy. Then, you open up your phone and suddenly a few hours have passed and all you have to add to your life is a neck cramp and a treacherous spiral into comparison and self-loathing. I’ve been there!
Let’s not just blame social media though. Heck, maybe pulling up that newly added second season of a show on Netflix isn’t really doing anything for you either. You finish your episodes and really don’t feel much better. Well, maybe a smidge of satisfaction at having watched a show you like but the feeling is fleeting as you start to settle back into reality. Well, let me not speak for everyone here. If binging that second season genuinely makes you feel happy to be alive and inspired to wake up tomorrow, then keep living life exactly the way you are!
Is your self-care time disguising a need for something else?
I can’t tell you what forms of self-care are right for you and neither can anyone else. You have to be the judge of how you are using certain outlets and if they are hindering you from growth or facing other problems. While I think we could all enjoy a distraction from stressful times, whatever problems we have are still going to be there when we end our self-care ritual.
Sometimes there isn’t much that can be done in a given moment. Although, more often than not, I think we have an underlying dissatisfaction with something and we are simply avoiding dealing with it. Maybe you hate your job but it’s easier to have a killer weekend drinking with friends than figure out how to get change your situation. When your finances aren’t in a great state, you might avoid looking at your bank statement because it just feels like a weight on you. If your physical health has dwindled away, it is much more comfortable to keep up your same patterns than have to clean house on habits that are harming you.
If you know me, I like to go deep (how’s that for my new profile one-liner?). There’s a reason as to why self-care activities seem to be super hit or miss or downright cringe-y just to even think about. That’s because the cliché self-care practices tend to offer such temporary, surface-level, momentary satisfaction that barely makes a dent in what is really the issue.
Many of us (though I’d prefer to say ALL of us) have areas where we could improve. We may be aware of what those areas are or we may not. Either way, nothing is ever going to change if you don’t take an interest in getting to the root cause of why you need that clutch of a distraction you’ve been leaning on.
I’ll take longer-lasting effects over temporary satisfaction any day.
At this point, you probably get my drift that I like taking a holistic approach, going deep, and achieving longer-lasting effects. If not, I’d just be bouncing from one self-care practice to the next, never feeling any better that before. I don’t want to totally knock any “light” self-care activities but I think we reach for these because they are all we know or we are afraid to go deeper.
What I mean by that is: we are conditioned to think that when something is bothersome, irritating, or unpleasant in our lives, we need only seek out a distraction that is the opposite of all that! However, if you recognize that the problem persists, that’s when you know the problem isn’t just a passing phase—it is a deeper-seated issue that needs to be addressed.
In the latter case, what we are actually searching for is connection to our authentic selves. Whatever your belief system is, I believe we all have a spiritual self within us that desires more attention than we give it. Spirituality is just one facet of us but I think it plays an integral part in connecting to our purpose and divine guidance. Another name for it is INTUITION. When things feel off, it is not because we are meant to have a sucky life; it is because we are out of alignment with ourselves!
Do you know what the best way to connect to our authentic selves is?
It is literally, so easy you won’t believe me. It does not require a luxurious space, tons of money, or fancy gadgets.
Sit in a quiet room and think.
Yup, it’s that simple.
The magic here is listening to what comes to mind. What are the things that are weighing on you? Are you happy or unhappy with your current situation? Why? What do you want to bring more of into your life?
I know I list these off so easily but they’re not easy questions and it’s not easy to be in such a setting with zero distractions. I admit it is scary to be alone and have to confront yourself with these deeper questions when you aren’t used to doing that. The stuff that arises might be a lot of “I don’t know” answers at first but it gets better after some tries. I promise.
Taking this time to really just sit with yourself and your thoughts, participating in self-assessment and constructive personal development, is what I call authentic self-care. When you truly know yourself, you are your best self.
There are some physical tools for enhancing self-care time that you might find helpful.
I said no fancy gadgets are needed but I will recommend a journal and pen. These simple and easily accessible tools can be super helpful when you feel like you’ve got a basket of trash (thoughts) inside your head that needs emptying. When you write all of that stuff out, your head feels cleared. In essence, your journal becomes an excellent avenue for any-time brain dumps!
Additionally, if the act of sitting in complete quiet seems like the opposite of peaceful, it’s because we are so conditioned to feel like we must always be doing something. I recommend putting on a guided meditation with a focus on whatever specific intention you’d like to work on or just play instrumental meditation music to set the mood. Both of these are great tools to help you get in the right headspace and put you in a state of ease. The meditations can be accessed free on YouTube, too! I’ll link my favorite guided one and instrumental one.
Now tell me, what does self-care mean to you? What makes you feel most connected to your authentic self?
This post was originally published in July of 2018 with the title “How to Make the Choice to Change – Know Your Worth”. It has been majorly updated to provide better information and clarity on choice and making changes.
There are two significant factors which affect satisfaction that I have noticed in myself and those around me. The first is a real, intentional choice. When we make a choice we are exerting our control over a situation that will affect us and therefore having a say in what happens. The second factor that tremendously impacts how we view ourselves and, thus, what we deserve is our values. While choice is the actionable step to help us make a change, what we value is the motivation behind the desire for a change.
So much of what we do in everyday life is a CHOICE.
We choose to get out of bed in the morning or postpone it by hitting snooze for 30 minutes. We choose to cook breakfast for ourselves or drive through any easily-accessible fast-food chain. We choose to greet people with a smile or walk past strangers without a glance. We choose to react when a friend cancels plans or when the store sells out of our favorite shampoo.
Many times, we consider these things to be controlled by outside forces, situational occurrences, or even other people. When we deflect blame or view our lives as a series of events happening to us instead of because of us, or with us, we relinquish our golden power. We abandon personal responsibility which, yes, may mean facing consequences but it also means having the ability to turn a problem around or craft a new plan of pursuit. I’m all for taking a qualifying stance on issues but, when it comes to my life and choices, I don’t personally see there being an in-between. I am either a victim to my life’s situations or I am my own person. I either have a choice or I don’t.
I believe we all have a choice. It is also my belief that my choice and your choice can happily coexist in the world together.
I won’t go into this subject too deeply but I feel the need to quickly address the “lack” mentality many of us carry. The idea that, “If that person over there has success in his/her career then that takes away from the chance for me to have success in my career”. That is a lie. Success (or whatever quality we may envy in someone else that presumably occurred because of their choices) is relative to each person. It comes from each individual’s perception of the quality.
The forms of choice in a day that I described earlier may seem very tangible but a change in perspective also plays a huge role in the course of action behind a choice. We need not be moving to take a fruitful and actionable step. Sometimes we can physically manipulate the outcome of a situation but, more often, change in the life we experience really comes when our mentality shifts. That is: when we can take personal responsibility for all of the things that are happening to us.
Yet, action is only one piece of the puzzle of choice. Action is meaningless without intention behind it, guiding it.
As humans, we are excellent at justification. It is easier to not take responsibility and not be accountable for choices; then, complain about how our lives aren’t going the way we want even though we so badly wish for them to change. It requires almost stepping into a new role as to how you view yourself and the world–and that takes practice. That could mean saying yes to opportunities that align with your interests and no to that which does not serve you. If that does not offer results, then you may need to reassess your values.
Here’s an easy exercise: write down a sentence naming something that you want, but have not been able to achieve, and WHY you want it. There might be multiple reasons behind why you want it so go ahead and list whatever comes to mind. Then, go deeper and ask yourself why you value that. The goal is to get to the root reasoning as to why you feel something will make you happy.
Many times we can hold onto a very materialistic notion of what can make us happy. This can involve things like: earning a certain amount of money, taking a trip somewhere, having a romantic partner, or purchasing much-desired pair of shoes. This is when we are continuously on the hunt for a new shiny toy, big or small, to spark our interests. Other times, what can make us happy it isn’t anything tangible…but more of a goal or vision of who we want to be or where we would like to see ourselves. I consider situations like this to be a wistful postponing of pleasure. In other words, instead of allowing or cultivating things in your life right now, you opt to wait because you believe later will be better. Later you’ll have more experience, be stronger or fitter, be more financially secure, or simply be more confident in yourself.
I admit, I’m quite guilty of this thought pattern myself. Once in a while I will have a period where I slip into the trap of thinking I’ve been taking action but all I’ve done is find reasons not to do something. It can be a sticky situation. I know I want things to change but I also don’t feel the direction I’ve been going is benefiting me as I would’ve liked. So, where do I go from here? It trickles down to values.
On a surface level, our choices may change but that is because our values change. We then feel at conflict when our actions, whether they be physical or mental in nature, don’t provide changes that we desire. It is a constant work in progress–the old cyclical “lather, rinse, and repeat”. Except, with the topic of change, it is: 1) assessment of personal values, 2) actionable choices, and 3) see where that goes! If the outcome isn’t what you want, then lather up again / reconsider what your motivating values are.
I think there is endless opportunity to feel oppressed and resigned to circumstances. Societal norms have crafted an atmosphere where finger-pointing and projection is easier than dealing with our own problems. However, there is equal if not greater reason to make a choice to change that line of thinking into one that aligns with creating happiness.
If you’ve read this far into the post then you more than likely feel that inkling of a desire to create a change, too. Know that it is possible and, while it requires constant upkeep, it is not a chore. It is a gift to be able to make choices that align with our values and create the life we want. We are all deserving of a happy life; so is there any reason not to start making changes today?
We as people tend to look at actions as something with a definitive conclusion. Like, the way you can say you walked to the park. Your action was walking and you got to the park. End of action, end of story. Yet, there are some actions that happen as more of a process. Healing is more of a process.
Today’s post is about the expectations placed around the process of healing. It isn’t as straightforward as we may want it to be and I’m diving into some of the reasons I’ve found we may be resistant “to heal”. The photo above is a poem I wrote during a thick part of my healing process. Throughout this post, I’ve also included some of my favorite quotations on the subject which I found on my home space, Instagram. If you like this post, definitely don’t hesitate to drop a comment or share this post with a friend!
Last year, I went through some emotionally trying times and I was in a major state of constant ups and downs. In my pit of depression, I’d search for glimmers of light to push me to move forward. It might have been a creative idea or a small motivational phrase but it would be enough incentive for me to pick myself up. I’d start to feel okay and fathom the possibility that: hey, maybe I’m all better now! Then, when I least expected it, the most minute thing would remind me of the hurt or sadness I experienced and I’d feel like Alice falling down the rabbit hole all over again.
There are many facets of emotion to work through and sometimes the best we can aim for is feeling OKAY.
Maybe for some people, they only need to go through a down and up experience once and then “they are healed” or they’ve learned their lesson. For others, it can take a little bit longer. This could be dependent on how much you internalize the obstacle you’re trying to work through. The more connected you feel to a problem the more it really becomes yourproblem. This can certainly be a great cause for change if there is action you can take to better the situation.
Yet, what happens when the experience you feel so connected to is in the past? When there isn’t any current action you can take to improve the experience? You essentially have to make a choice on whether you want to stay stuck in the past or take a risk on the unknown of the future.
In healing, the priority is to uncover the root issue so that we can move forward with success.
When you associate so closely to experiences that are in the past that is where you will stay. The days will certainly go on and time will keep moving forward but everything you are holding onto will keep you from enjoying the present. Consequently, if you remain stuck in the past, you won’t ever truly work through the experience that has plagued you.
Most problems that exist are only problems because we choose to see them that way.
You may run into the same fundamental issue of an obstacle in different forms—that can be: situations, figurative roadblocks, people, or anything. The challenging part is dealing with the real, root issue that is causing distress. While it may seem easier to sweep emotions under the rug, you’re choosing to limit your spectrum for happiness. If we view something as a problem but never seek to understand it, the problem still exists inside of us and it will keep manifesting in the physical world until we address it. To put it plainly, emotions need proper acknowledgement or else we won’t ever “heal”. That is a fact.
I’d like to say healing is a 3 step process of: 1) Recognize what limiting beliefs you hold, 2) Acknowledge your problem, 3) The problem is gone! However, healing does not work like that. I’ll restrain from saying healing takes time (though I suppose I did still say it) and argue the more actionable step in healing is deciding when you’ve had enough and can be at peace with the state of the situation, whatever that may be.
The down and ups that I talked about earlier happened more times than I can count just pertaining to one situation. I told myself that I wanted to overcome the experience although I mostly just wanted to overcome the pain, discomfort, and sadness parts. Unknowingly at the time, I wanted to maintain the association I had with my experience because I was optimistic and hoped for things to turn around. Yet, I had reached the end of the road long ago and just didn’t want to believe that was true.
One of my favorite phrases is: healing isn’t linear. There’s no ONE WAY to heal. It will look different for everyone and it will look different for each hardship you face.
Healing can involve:
Holding onto the experience to define you and creating new labels for yourself
Pandering between wanting to control a situation and letting go
Feeling like the best is behind you and opening up to the possibility that better things are ahead
Connecting with your emotional experience and wanting to separate from it
Sinking into the deep hole that is your pain and using it as a motivator to climb out
Wishfully looking at your past experience and also towards the future
It is hard to say when healing really is complete.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but, even after you work through one hardship, there will be more to come. In Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck, he makes an interesting point that problems are always going to exist. Though, working through them helps us develop skills, gain perspective, and resilience. Consequently, we will be set up to get slightly better problems in the future and likely be more equipped to handle them!
I’ve gone through moments where I think I’ve truly worked through what I need to come to terms with and made my peace. Then, something new comes up and I find myself confused, frustrated, or in a random bout of sadness and tearing up. I accept all of these parts of me and that’s how I know that I’m healing. It’s a cycle, it’s an ebb and flow, and it’s a constant learning process.
I hope this post finds you when you can use it most. If you are going through the back and forth feelings as a result of hardship, I hope you know you are exactly where you need to be.
You know the feeling when you ate a little too much at dinner or maybe you mixed some food and drinks that you wish you didn’t? In that state of discomfort, I personally feel desperate for a little relief and, because of that, I have tried out many remedies to bring my tummy back into balance.
It wasn’t too long ago that I would carry tums in my purse and pop them almost daily to help with digestive distress. Tums are primarily supposed to be used for fighting excessive acid production which usually comes from eating hot and spicy foods. They serve to hinder stomach acid production but, at the same time, you are suppressing the acids that serve to DIGEST what you ate. So, it puts a wet blanket on the issue but the actual process of digestion will take longer.
While the easiest fix for alleviating excessive stomach acid production is to minimize acid reflux-causing foods in your diet, general digestive discomfort can be a bit more complex. For me, digestive distress comes along the lines of: an immense feeling of fullness, bloating, or just an unsettling feeling then keep reading. It isn’t as simple as going to the bathroom or burping to relieve oneself.
When I was feeling physically ill last year, I was trying all sorts of methods to help with my gut dysbiosis. The Balanced Blonde actually has a great post on the topic which you can read here but it was such an ongoing battle that I knew I needed extra help. I’ve had a small arsenal of essential oils but was not using them much until this point.
The essential oils that I like using are from a brand called Young Living. I’ve tried random brands from Vitamin Shoppe or the grocery store but there are a few reasons I keep going back to YL. 1) What I particularly like about YL essential oils is because of their sustainable methods for sourcing the ingredients for the oils and the quality testing that goes into each batch. 2) With that testing, they have formulated essential oils safe for internal consumption. Most essential oils are only for topical or aromatic use so I wouldn’t recommend ingesting any old brand you pick up at the store.
So, going back to this remedy of mine, I use a blend of massively potent and healing essential oils called Digize paired with straight up castor oil. In case you aren’t familiar with Digize, the blend contains: Tarragon, Ginger, Peppermint, Juniper, Fennel, Lemongrass, Anise, and Patchouli. Each of these ingredients is beneficial on its own—think: peppermint tea!—but when combined, they are a powerhouse for digestive support. Plus, the castor oil is not simply the vehicle for me to spread Digize on my tummy—it contains an array of benefits that research has linked to boosting the lymphatic system, inducing labor in pregnant women, and stimulating the digestive system!
Of course, do your own research and experimentation to see if castor oil and/or Digize could be right for you but now I’ll get into the HOW part of my remedy routine!
The best time for me to do my tummy balance remedy is at night after I have taken a shower. It is very soothing so this also helps to wind me down for the night. I recommend doing this in your bedroom or someplace you won’t be disturbed so as to enhance the peaceful experience!
My first step is dry brushing my entire body. I feel like this helps encourage circulation and detoxification—both being helpful when I’m trying to alleviate digestive discomfort. I’ll also rub any lotion I want on my body, while avoiding my stomach.
Next, I’ll lie down on my back. You can lay down a towel or blanket, if you’d like. Here is where I’ll be using my castor oil and Digize! I don’t measure it out but I pour about a half-tablespoon amount of castor oil into the palm of my hand and add a drop of Digize. Then, I simply smear the mixture onto my belly. The power is in the ingredients but there is also a strategy to massaging the stomach which can help speed up digestion.
Method: Using whichever hand you feel most comfortable with, start at the top of your stomach (about palm-width above your belly button). Press firmly, but not so much as to cause pain, into your stomach with your index and middle finger. Move your fingers towards your left side and then down and then up on your right side til you reach the center again. Basically, you’re moving your hands in a clockwise motion.
I usually keep this massage going for 3-5 minutes before adding my heating pad. For a long time I just did the massage and that works great! However, if you have access to a heating pad, I highly recommend using one. The heat works to activate the castor oil and help the ingredients penetrate your stomach. The warmth stimulates digestive recovery and, as I said earlier, this feels very soothing!
I’ve honestly fallen asleep with the heating pad on my stomach (temperature set to LOW) because it is that relaxing. I’ll wake up and turn it off soon after but if you find yourself in this situation you may want to set an alarm so that you won’t spend the entire night laying there with the heating pad. Seriously!
Alright, that is the end of my tummy balance remedy using castor oil and Digize. If you experience any sort of digestive distress, I hope you found this post helpful and give the routine a try!
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